Til Death, Or Something Equally Terrible
by serenaandapen
Summary: Girls often involve their friends in their relationships. Especially Alice Brandon. But what happens when everything goes sour? Will Bella and Edward be able to keep themselves together beneath the wrath of Alice the Bridezilla? AH, SMeyer owns.
1. Happy Face

**hi again! you all know how i love switchin' up the POVs. but this time, i'm doing it all bella, all the way. i wanted to do something light, because 'Relief' gives me migraines and i'm sure that you all need a break. hope you like! no, i hope you **_**love**_**.  
i know, it can get confusing with all of the flashbacks, but bear with me.  
don't give up. if you start reading this and give up on it, at least do me the favor of reading the A/N at the bottom. thanks loves.**

"You know I like it when you talk dirty," Edward chuckled. I kicked at his face like a little kid, swirling the spatula in the air and praying that some of the batter would get him in the eye.

"I'm not fucking kidding, Edward. Let go of me or I'll shove this fucking spoon thing up your ass!" I was squealing so loudly that I heard the tenant below my apartment thump the ceiling with a broom or something, but I didn't care. Edward yanked my ankle as I writhed on the carpet, brownie mix covering around ninety percent of my body. He leaned down, hovering over me with his tongue hanging out of his mouth like a moron.

"Nope, sorry," he taunted, licking the side of my face as he pinned my arms down with his knees. I tried to throw the spatula at him and missed, instead tossing it halfway across the room and leaving a messy splatter of deep brown chocolate across my white carpet.

"Quit it!" I shrieked, giggling in spite of myself. Edward always did this kind of shit. I had been baking brownies after finding the mix in the cupboard, and Edward was just coming in from work. It wasn't like he had a career or anything—working at the campus auditorium hardly qualified as a legit job. He was practically paid for flipping switches and playing Jetman on his laptop all day, but I couldn't complain. He got me little presents and stuff, after all. But he had ultimately worked a long shift that day, and I assumed he'd be tired. But instead, he'd grabbed my waist and wrestled me to the ground like a two-year-old, instigating the whole brownie mix fight and completely ruining my white t-shirt.

"Come on, Bell! Keep it up. Call me a dick. Say something unladylike. Take your top off or something," he encouraged as I snickered below him.

"Dream on," I gasped breathlessly, somehow managing to roll him over before he could regain control. "I was in the middle of something."

He smirked, his coppery hair falling into his golden eyes. "That was _before_ I got home. Now _I'm_ here, and you don't need distractions."

"Okay, Mister Cocky," I chided tolerantly, collapsing against his chest. "Now I'm tired, and I have brownies to make. _If_ I have any batter left after your little ambush."

Edward laughed, pulling me to my feet and raking his eyes along my five-foot-four frame. "I won't even lie, you're a mess, Bella."

"No shit, Sherlock," I retorted sarcastically, wiping a glob of dripping batter from my eyelid that was sort of blinding me. "I already took a shower and everything. I don't know why you do this kind of thing."

"Because," he began, kissing beneath my jaw, "I like it when you get messy. Then I get to help you shower it off." He pulled back, winking like some creepy Rico Suave, and I couldn't help but laugh.

Edward was…well, he was Edward.

Horn dog extraordinaire, if you will.

We'd met in the eighth grade when his family moved from Alaska to Washington and no one liked him. He was this smart ass little dweeb who liked to _play piano_ and hang out with his _family_ and other stupid shit like that. My best friend Alice mentioned something one day in P.E. that he'd peed his pants at his old school in Juneau and that's why he had to move. Edward and I weren't even on speaking terms until college hit and he wound up in my Lit class. Even then, we didn't really talk much.

But I wound up characteristically getting plastered at some lousy kegger at this guy Emmett's house on New Year's Eve freshman year, stumbling into the bathroom while Edward was taking a quick piss in the toilet. Apparently, I'd shoved past him to vomit noisily in the bathtub before throwing myself at him, his pants still down, like a pathetic alcoholic slut. Needless to say, I woke up the next morning completely naked on a Lion King sleeping bag with Edward on top of me in Emmett's living room. I was never much of a drinker after that.

I never guessed what would happen after that. I had dressed in a hurry that morning, shrugging out from beneath him as he grumbled lazily and fell back asleep. I recognized him at once, my stomach rolling as I took in my surroundings.

That _hair_. I would recognize that hair anywhere. I had hooked up with Edward _fucking_ Cullen. Weirdo, Piss Pants, Edward Cullen. I ran from the house in the fresh coolness of a new year, still a little drunk, and rode a bicycle that I found in the front yard back to my apartment complex. I thanked my lucky stars that it wasn't far, because I still had no real sense of equilibrium and I'm pretty sure I had my underwear on backwards. I was willing to forget everything that happened.

Unfortunately, nothing in life is ever that easy.

I remember everything like it was yesterday.

"Bella?" Alice had called. "Bella, open the door."

"No! Go away," I'd shouted, sobs ripping through my chest as I buried my face in my hands. The edge of the tub was hard, and it was digging into my ass, but I didn't care.

"Bella, I swear to God, if you don't open this door in five seconds Jasper is taking it off its hinges!"

I stared pitifully down at the little white stick in my hand, the contents of my stomach willing to spew from my stale-tasting mouth. Goddamn it, I hated that stupid fucking happy face. This was _not_ a good thing. So why was my fucking pregnancy test _smiling_ at me?

"Bella! Door! Now!" Alice's voice was trilling, and it was giving me a headache. I couldn't look up from the happy face in my hand, my knees shaking as tears spilled down my face. I heard a rattling as someone undoubtedly began picking the lock, and I jumped a little when I heard a loud _pop_ as Alice shoved open the door. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" she asked rhetorically. Her eyes were wide with frustration. I barely noticed Jasper standing behind her.

"Damn, Swan. What happened to you? You look like hell," he muttered, scratching his stomach.

I couldn't open my mouth to speak as Alice stared at me expectantly. Couldn't she tell? Wasn't my stomach ballooning out all weird like a tent or something? No, maybe it was too early for that. I lifted my right hand, waving the offensive little stick in the air as my eyes remained fixed in my lap.

"Jesus Christ," she swore. I watched her hands reach for the test as she snatched it away from me, inspecting that _stupid fucking smiley face._

"Is that…is that a…" Jasper stuttered.

I nodded just enough to indicate that _yes _it was a pregnancy test and _yes _it was positive.

"Then don't touch it, Alice!" he squealed. "It has her pee all over it."

"Get out," Alice ordered him. "Get out now. Go home. I'll come over later." Before he could reply, Alice was shoving him out of the bathroom and shutting the door in his face. "Whose is it?" she demanded. She was cutting straight to the chase, not beating around the bush whatsoever.

I looked at her, my mouth hanging open like an idiot. I struggled to find my voice as she stood there, tapping her foot against the linoleum. "I-It's, uh, it's Edward Cullen's."

I thought I'd seen Alice mad before. I thought I'd seen her upset, and shocked, and possibly even embarrassed. But I'd never seen the result of all three, intensified, and mixed into one. Her eyes popped out of her head, her face turning a violent shade of red. "You…did…WHAT?" she shrieked, throwing the little white stick to the ground. It bounced off the tile, skidding across the tiny room until it wedged under the door.

"It was a mistake, I didn't mean to--,"

"But you still did," she interrupted, her mouth in a hard line. "Do you even _talk_ to Edward Cullen? Are we even talking about the same Edward, here? Like, the one who peed his pants and had to move to Washington?"

"You don't know that for a fact, Alice," I mumbled defensively, crossing my arms over my chest. I shifted against the tub's edge uncomfortably, afraid to get up in fear of being closer to Alice in her Cullen-induced rage.

"You're right. I don't. But I do know that you're as pure as the driven snow and Piss Pants defiled you with his baby juice. What the _fuck_ are you going to do now, Bella?"

_Thanks for being supportive, friend._

"God, I don't know, Alice. Go to the doctor's, maybe?" I shrugged, twirling a piece of hair around my finger nervously. "But if you think that I'm, quote, 'pure as the driven snow,' then you need a lobotomy."

"Oh, _oookay_, Princess Labia," she sneered. "We all get it that you're _experienced _or whatever. But experienced doesn't equal _smart_, Bella. It's not that hard. Swallow a pill. Wrap his pole up before you let it get you. Don't be such a dumbass."

"Thanks, Mom," I muttered sarcastically, feeling more and more stupid by the minute.

So Alice wasn't going to be supportive. Edward Cullen was the father of the alleged unwanted sea monkey growing in my stomach, and he may or may not have pissed all over himself in the seventh grade. So I was fucked, needless to say. At least, at the time I thought I was.

I was fucked, but I was still ethical and at least somewhat considerate. I knew I needed to talk to Edward about it.

So often you hear about the young girl who gets knocked up and is afraid to tell her baby daddy in the case that he bails. Well, I had absolutely nothing to lose. Edward was almost a complete stranger, in spite of the fact that I'd known him for a considerable amount of time. Maybe he wouldn't even remember that we'd fucked in the first place, and I could put all of this shit behind me. But I needed to say _something_, even if I decided to get rid of the…thing.

One problem: I didn't have Edward's phone number. Or his e-mail or Facebook or anything like that. All that I knew was that he knew Emmett, and that he was in my Lit class. It wasn't like Emmett was really my friend; we'd just hooked up twice first semester and I was on his courtesy invite list. That option was obviously out. I wouldn't even consider calling Emmett McCarty unless Jesus came out of the sky and told me to himself. So I'd have to wait a few days to see Edward.

Those days were complete, burning hell. It was three weeks since the actual…mishap, and a little over five weeks since my last period. I found myself having the intense desire for menstrual cramps and uncontrollable mood swings in a way that I never thought I would. I wanted my goddamn period back. But Edward Cullen took it away from me, and I couldn't see him for two more days.

Alice was pretty much M.I.A. She spent a lot of her time at Jasper's apartment, probably fucking a lot and laughing at my expense when she took her birth control each day. Suddenly, sex had a new meaning to me. I was never really _promiscuous_, per say, but I would screw whoever I really wanted to and I wasn't worried about the repercussions because there were never any. What, maybe I would see some guy I'd accidentally slept with at the bookstore when I didn't have any makeup on. Or maybe I'd have an awkward run-in with a random dude I'd hooked up with during some trashy rush party on our way out of a Stats exam. But now…sex was taboo. Sex made more people. It wasn't an excuse to casually wrap my legs around some hot frat guy and help him get his rocks off. It made fucking _people_. I had a person inside me that I had to take care of. And that person was genetically connected to Edward Cullen, who may or may not have pissed his pants in the seventh grade. _Shit_.

I'd made up a nice speech to recite to him. Something along the line of, _Hey, Edward. Remember when we got freaky on a Mufasa sleeping bag in some guy's living room? Well, now I'm sort of pregnant._ _My bad._

Fuck no.

Alice took the liberty of scheduling a doctor's appointment for me that Wednesday, despite her shitty attitude and horrible bestfriendmanship. Luckily, it was before I would see Edward in my Thursday Lit class, and I could at least put it to rest once in for all that I was seriously—no jokes—pregnant, not relying on some cheap test from CVS. I wanted to make absolute _sure_ that I was having a kid before I told my baby daddy that I got knocked up and the baby was half-him. _Jesus_. Something inside me told me that this was really real what was happening, and that no matter what, the little smiley face on my pregnancy test wasn't going to frown any time soon. Maybe it was instinct, or maybe I was truly fucking crazy like Alice always said.

_Present_

"Aw boo," Edward whined. "You showered without me." He was lazily licking excess brownie batter off of my white spatula, sitting on the edge of the counter and swinging his legs. He was so childish today. I kind of loved it.

"Well you didn't exactly come knocking. I always encourage visitors," I purred in a pathetic attempt to be sexy, kissing his temple before pulling myself up on the counter beside him.

"Here." He dipped a spoon in the still half-full bowl that sat in the sink, handing it to me. I guess the batter would never make it to the oven.

"How was your day?" I asked casually, the metal of the spoon rattling against my teeth.

Edward ignored me, playing with a tattered string hanging from the leg of my cut-offs. "Guess what?" he asked suddenly, his fingers slipping under the fabric of my shorts.

"Kitchen counter sex?" I guessed, shifting the giant mixer further down the counter to make more room to lie down. Maybe Edward wasn't the only horn dog out of the two of us.

He chuckled tolerantly, grabbing my wrist and pulling me upright when I began to lay back. "No, silly. Keep it in your pants. I'm being serious."

"Okay, then," I said, frowning. "What is it?"

He took a deep breath. "Jasper wants to marry Alice."

"What?" I squealed, my spoon clattering to the floor. "Since when?"

"Since a while ago, apparently," he sighed thoughtfully, ignoring my scattering utensil. "He just told me when I was driving home from the office."

"Does Alice have any idea?"

"Nope. And _you're_ not going to tell her."

"I won't say anything," I promised. "But…but they've only been together for a little longer than we have!" I stammered, my voice raising.

Edward chuckled without humor. "Try a year and a half longer, Bella. That kind of time makes a difference."

I frowned at his words. They meant that Edward wasn't going to follow in Jasper's footsteps, and even though I wasn't wishing for a traditional, suburban lifestyle like Alice was, it would be a lie if I said that I wasn't looking for marriage down the road. "Why didn't you tell me when you got in?" I asked, slurping the last bit of goodness off the spoon before tossing it into the sink.

"I was going to…before I saw you in those sinfully tight pants cooking, all domestic and shit." He grinned impishly as I palmed him in the forehead, snorting.

_A Few Years Earlier_

"So I was given an opportunity and I took it."

"What are you talking about, Alice?" I asked. She was being annoying and cryptic and I had a headache.

"An opportunity. It was bestowed upon me by Jasper, whom we all know and love." She smirked, twisting a piece of her short, black hair around her pointer finger.

"Okay. So what?"

"I got Edward Cullen's phone number," she sang, waiting for a reaction.

"Cool." I tried to feign indifference as I shoveled another spoonful of Ben & Jerry's into my mouth, but I'm sure she didn't miss the way that my pitch screeched embarrassingly like a teenage boy going through puberty.

"And I called it," she remarked simply.

"What the fuck, Alice?!" I shouted, my face flushing. "How could you do something like that?"

She had instantly leapt from the couch, backing up against the far wall with her hands up defensively as I sought a way to successfully charge at her. I was going to choke a bitch. Or at least shank her or something. "Relax!" she yelped as I trudged towards her. I imagined that she could probably hear the _Jaws_ theme in her mind with every step that I took. "I didn't tell him!"

"You didn't tell him _what_ exactly?" I asked, fuming.

"That you have a…a thing. You know," she said quietly, jabbing a finger towards my stomach. "I just told him that you wanted to meet him after your class tomorrow. Somewhere nice. Somewhere private, maybe? Bella, please don't slap me."

"Why did you feel so inclined to get yourself involved? You're involved with everything in my life. Just let me do this on my own, okay?" I said firmly, my jaw clenched.

"Okay, okay, I get it," she relented. "I know I was a bad friend to you these past couple of days, and I'm trying to fix it."

"So what did he say?" I prompted, still angry. But for some reason, Alice's expression lightened, and she smiled hugely.

"Piss Pants says he wanted to see you. He said he was going to try and talk to you anyway, even if you hadn't sought him out."

"_Sought_ him _out_? Cullen thinks I _want_ him?" I choked.

"I guess," she said, shrugging. "But the point is that you have a semi-date with your BD that's granted to be dysfunctional. And you also have a doctor's appointment in twenty minutes, which you're going to be late for if you don't hurry."

Alice was going to be the end of me.

*****

I felt a hand shaking my shoulder as I dozed in my chair. I couldn't remember where I was, or why I was there in the first place. All I knew was that the putrid, pink vinyl chair beneath me felt nice and that _Judge Judy_ had been playing continuously on a television set in front of me.

"Mrs. Cullen?" an annoyingly nasally voice called, about two centimeters away from my nose. "Mrs. Cullen?" the voice repeated as I opened my eyes just slightly, taking in all of this mystery woman's bright orange lipstick and her positively _delish_ snaggletooth. "Bella?" she asked, more irritated this time. "Bella Cullen?"

Now _that _was enough to wake anybody up.

"That's _not_ my name," I squeaked, scooting immediately into an upright position. Aha. The doc's office. It was Wednesday, and I was preggers. Shit fuck goddamn it.

"I'm sorry," Snaggletooth sighed. She didn't _sound _sorry at all. "The young woman who called to make you an appointment said that your name was 'Bella Cullen.' But regardless of who you are or who you think you are, Dr. Gerandy is waiting for you just through that door." She pointed flippantly to where I was supposed to go.

_Alice_. That conniving, little bitch. She _would_ do something like that, leaving Edward's last name as mine. It was like kicking a dog with three legs--just plain mean.

"Swan," I remarked pointedly. "Swan. That's my last name."

Snaggletooth chuckled under her breath, walking her saggy ass back behind her little check-in desk like she was someone important. "I'll make note of that," she droned, licking her protruding front teeth as she placed a pair of hot pink glasses on the end of her nose.

I opened my mouth to say something smart back to her, but then I realized that I was fighting with a doctor's office _receptionist_ and that I was more than likely losing my marbles. I made do with a _harrumph_ and a foot stomp before I made my way back to meet Dr. Gerandy.

*

"Okay, Ms. Swan," Dr. Gerandy said slowly, his voice low and slightly teasing. "Are you ready to find out if you're going to be a proud Mama Bear?"

Christ, I hated this man. He was talking to me like I was fucking five years old. It was beyond annoying. I'd endured a five billion hour-long survery, pretending like I gave a shit about anything that he said. He'd given me a 'cuppy wuppy' to take a leak in and then gave me a round of applause when I returned it to him, half-full. And now he was treating the worst thing that could ever happen to me like it was a game of fucking Jeopardy.

"Yeah. Fine. Whatever," I droned, my voice a monotone.

His smile fell infinitesimally, but not enough for my liking. "Okay…let's see here…" Now the fucker was dragging it out. Like he assumed I was all anxious and excited to see if I was truly as knocked up as I thought I was. _Asshole_. "You are…wow. This is new."

"_What's_ new?" I spat, leaning forward to look at his clipboard.

"It appears that I thought I had some good news to tell you, Ms. Swan. I apologize for being so--,"

"Jovial?" I interjected.

"That's one word for it," he laughed, cracking the first non-vomit-inducing smile of the afternoon. "I thought that you were pregnant for sure. But I suppose it was just an odd change concerning your hormones. The results of the survery of sorts indicates that you are pregnant, but your urine samples detect that you are not. Ms. Swan, you are not going to have a baby. At least not yet." And again with the shit-eating smile. I didn't mind. He could smile his creepy smile at me all day, making me fill up all of the fucking 'cuppy wuppies' in the entire office. All that mattered was that _I wasn't pregnant_.

_Victory is mine_.

_*_

My palms were sweating like it was my job, and it was too hot for the sweater I was wearing. I'd worn it only because it was fucking January, but the sun was burning my scalp.

But Edward had wanted to meet here, and I guess that I owed it to him. I'm not sure why I agreed to meet him, since I wasn't technically connected to him in any way whatsoever anymore. But he had sounded eager, and I wasn't heartless. So there I waited, wringing my fingers on the bench as Edward skipped towards me from across the quad.

"Hey," he chirped. "Sorry to hold you up. I was on the phone with my dad. I'm going to live with him for a while this summer and I had to work out moving plans and stuff like--,"

"Neat," I said, cutting him off. I had agreed to see him, sure, but I was virtually uninterested in anything that the kid had to say. So why was I there?

"You okay?" he asked quietly, dropping beside me. His wrinkled, olive-colored corduroys had a little hole in the knee, and I could see the pale flesh of his skinny leg.

"I'm okay," I sighed, meeting his gaze. He smiled at me ridiculously, obviously assuming that since we'd fucked we had some _bond_ or something like that. "I'm just…flustered. That's it."

"I get it," he nodded. He looked at me pointedly, his weird, golden eyes sparkling a little in the sun. I'd never really noticed them before. Probably because the only time I'd really seen them up close, I had on beer goggles. They were the creepiest color, not quite like a sunflower but maybe more the color of wheat. Weird.

"Actually, it has something to do with you," I blurted. Open mouth, insert foot.

"Concerning…"

Well, I was already in too far. So why not? I was never really one to hold back or waste my time with any sort of embarrassment.

"I thought I was pregnant," I muttered, picking at the sleeves of my sweater. "No biggie."

"Oh. Um. Okay," he said calmly, a twinge of hurt in his features. "Do you…have like a boyfriend, or something? Is that what you wanted to say to me?"

I rolled my eyes. For a smart kid, homeboy was _retarded_. "No, Edward. I don't have a boyfriend. Sheesh. It would have been yours." Not to mention that I hadn't been laid since I was with Edward. That shit was _off_.

I could hear his mouth drop open with an audible _pop_.

"W-what? Wait, hold up. Me? You? Baby? What!?"

"Oh, calm down, would you? Stop shouting. People are looking." His creepy, yellow eyes were bugging out of his head abnormally.

"So let me get this straight," he choked, turning his gaze back to mine. "You thought you were _pregnant_…with _my_ kid…and you had your _friend_ call me to tell me to meet you?"

I shrugged stupidly. "Pretty much, yeah. But Alice acted on her own accord."

He scoffed, turning his head away from me. "Smooth move, Bella."

"Look, I'm sorry," I whined. "I didn't mean to make you mad. We hooked up once, you know? And I was freaked out. At least I told you. I worked up the nerve to come and tell you and it's not even important anymore."

"But it _is_ important. What if it was actually going to happen?"

I paused, at a loss for words, when Edward's eyes widened even further.

"It's _not_ going to happen, right? Fuck! You're, like for sure _not _pregnant, aren't you?"

Yep. Now people were definitely staring.

"Pipe down, would you?" I sneered, irritated. "I'm not pregnant. I just thought I was. And I figured I'd tell you, just in case you wanted to know."

"Well aren't you considerate," he scoffed, his pale cheeks blushing. "I came here, thinking that you were digging on me or something, and then you give me the whole, 'I'm-pregnant-oh-wait-just-kidding' spiel? Well aren't _I _a lucky motherfucker."

He was a blubbering, stuttering mess, and he was pulling out so much of that copper hair that I was sure he'd go prematurely bald. I was completely having a terrible case of word vomit around him, but at least it wasn't fucking _morning sickness_. Ew.

But I wasn't going to waste my time getting upset while Edward whined and squealed like a little baby pig. It was natural for him to be confused, and maybe even a little pissed off. But now the boy was being downright ridiculous.

"Let's go out sometime," I said casually.

"Are you _serious_?" he asked, his brow furrowing. "Are you crazy?"

"Yes, and yes. Let's just do it." I shrugged for the thousandth time, securing a free lock of dark hair behind my ear.

"Well, Bella, we already tried that," he coughed, taking my invitation out of context. "We already went that route, and I woke up on a Lion King sleeping bag alone. So my answer is no."

And at that, he walked away, yelling something about never wanting to see me again.

Edward Cullen called the apartment that I shared with Alice exactly five minutes after I'd walked in the door.

_Present_

"Hey, Bell?" Edward called, rapping lightly on my bedroom door as I shimmied into some skintight pencil skirt Alice had loaned me.

"Yeah?" I grunted, squirming into a pretzel just to get the satin over my ass cheeks. "What do you need?"

"Cancellation on dinner plans tonight."

"What? Why?" I growled, looking down at the skirt that had taken me around ten minutes to squeeze into. Tight, yes. But downright _sexy_ as well.

"Jasper called. He and Alice are coming over here to cook."

"Agh," I moaned, flopping backward onto the bed as Edward rattled the doorknob.

"Can I come in?" he asked foolishly, already halfway through the door.

"You would have come anyway," I laughed, curling up against him as he leaned back beside me.

He planted a kiss on the top of my head, looking at my thighs with his strange, golden eyes. "Nice skirt," he chuckled. "But probably not appropriate for company. Or anyone else's eyes other than my own, for that matter."

"It's Alice's," I defended, tugging awkwardly at the hem while trying to remain horizontal.

"Well, then, hopefully Alice won't mind if I remove it with my teeth," he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. Same old, same old.

I had almost managed to get the thing off to iron out the day's extreme sexual tension before Alice let herself into the apartment without knocking. Damn. _Cockblock_.

She was always doing shit like that. From the phone call to Edward to the doctor's appointment all through college leading right up until now. Well, Jasper could have fun with _that_ for the rest of his life.

Here comes the fucking bride.

**so...how did i do? no worries, this fic has NOTHING to do with bella's pregnancy. that is frankly an over-used subject matter and i am NOT about to go down that road. this whole pregnancy scare bit was just how bella and edward sort of came to be. i'll elaborate more in coming chapters. it's so...edward-and-bellaish, isn't it? REVIEW!**


	2. The 'M' Word

**to those who dislike this story thus far, this is a fucking rated M fic. Don't read it if you don't like it, and don't waste my time with bullshit hate reviews because THAT'S NOT WHAT REVIEWS ARE FOR. The warning said language and lemons, and I meant it when I warned you all. Grow up. You bore me.**  
MOVING ON :)** Thanks to you few babes for good reviewing. the alerts are mouth-dropping, despite the lack of reviewage. I'm trying to pimp this thing out so I have more success with it over my angsty stuff.**  
song: **milk by kings of leon**

_Present_

"Why can't I just tell her?" I whispered to Edward, tossing the salad he'd made in a giant, ceramic bowl.

"Because," he hissed, "I promised Jasper that I wouldn't tell _you_. I'm going out on a limb, here."

I glanced up at Alice and Jasper, who were sitting on my couch watching some reality show on VH1.

He was staring at her like she was some hot version of Mother Theresa, and she just smiled and tossed her hair around like she didn't notice him gaping. It was disgusting, and juvenile, and _adorable_.

"When's he going to ask her?" I asked quietly, licking a drop of vinaigrette off the tip of my thumb.

"Who knows?" Edward laughed throatily. "Hopefully not anytime _too_ soon. No offense, but neither of them is ready to just go off and tie the knot just yet."

"You don't give Alice enough credit. She's mature, I think."

"Yeah, for a twenty-two year old," he smirked, bumping my hip with his while slicing a tomato. "But I guess since I was elected as Jasper's wingman, I have to behave as such. I'll try and help the guy out."

"Good boy," I smiled. "You can't just divide your time between here, class, and work. You have to have fun sometimes."

"I _do_ have fun. _Here_. With you."

"Well then let me rephrase. You have to have fun sometimes, in public, _with_ your clothes on. And preferably with a member of the same sex."

He snorted, tossing the tomato in the bowl. "Fine, fine. But we both have to be good as far as the 'M' word goes. You don't know _anything_, okay?"

I held up one palm. "Promise."

"Okay, good. Let's go socialize, shall we?"

_A Few Years Earlier_

Edward came to pick me up on Saturday the Thursday after I'd told him.

It was beyond pathetic. He'd yelled at me all about how I screwed him over _blah blah fuckety blah _and not even five minutes after I'd walked in the door after his rant session he'd called me to apologize. I really had no idea who this kid really was, despite the fact that we'd gone to high school together. He asked me if he could pick me up from the apartment and take me to some trashy Italian place downtown to see some bluegrass band play, and I reluctantly agreed. Alice sat across from me the entire time I spoke with him making threatening glares and gestures, almost _daring_ me to reject him.

"Would you mind explaining the sudden change of heart?" I asked after I'd hung up with him "A few days ago you were willing to castrate the kid for corrupting me and now you're almost begging for me to go out with him."

"I feel bad for him," Alice shrugged, crossing her legs. "Poor kid deserves a break, you know?"

"I'm not entirely convinced that you've gone all Good Samaritan on me, Al," I said flatly.

"Okay, well, he may or may not have told me how much he likes you that day I called him. You know, the time you tried to smack me to death? But he likes you. I don't know _why_, but he does."

"Gee, thanks a lot," I scoffed, narrowing my eyes.

"Oh calm down, Bella. Spare me the drama. Regardless of what I think or say, Edward Cullen likes you even though you almost got pregnant with his mutant spawn and now you're going on a date with him. It's a done deal."

I was going to punch her one of these days. Really fucking hard.

*****

Edward lingered awkwardly in the doorway when he came to pick me up. He had on those olive green corduroys again, but this time he'd at least made the effort to somewhat iron them. His tall, skinny frame was covered in a tissue-thin white t-shirt, strands of rope tied around his wrists. He ran a hand through his hair every two seconds, looking like he was going to pee his pants all over again. He was…sort of cute, I guess. Maybe he was _definitely_ cute.

And _I_ was overdressed.

"I think I need to change," I remarked, looking down at the black jersey dress I wore. "I didn't know what I was supposed to wear."

"You look hot," he said, tensing up when he uttered the words. "I mean…pretty. Sorry. Word vomit."

I smiled easily. "I know the feeling," I chuckled, almost shoving him from the threshold so I could lock up. Edward was acting like a crazy person, his hands shaking like he was having some sort of withdrawal. Alice was out with Jasper for her year-and-a quarter anniversary or something like that, and I wished that she were there to ease some of the tension.

Edward had a completely junky car. It was a little silver sports car, kind of dirty, with one of those little Styrofoam Seahawks football-head things on the antenna. The interior smelled like clove cigarettes, granola bar wrappers and dead lighters thrown all over the backseat.

"Sorry," he apologized quietly after we'd both shut our doors. "I should have cleaned up or something."

I played it off as no big deal—I'd been in plenty of nastier cars than this one, and I had been doing more than just sitting in it.

"So…" he began, scratching the patch of hair just above his ear. "I know I said I'd take you to that Italian place, but I kind of changed my mind."

"You did? To what?" I asked, tugging at the hem of my too-short dress.

"Okay, so this might sound sketch or whatever, but I'm gonna take you to my place, alright?" He glanced at me quickly, the fading sunlight glinting off of his golden eyes.

"Typical," I snorted. "You freak out that I was pregnant-but-not-really and now you're taking me to your apartment on our first date. How trite."

He laughed at me, fiddling with his iPod as a catchy song blared through the speaker. We drove mostly in silence the entire way to his complex, and for some reason, I became unbearably nervous.

My throat was dry and my palms sweaty as he turned into his designated parking space. It wasn't as if I hadn't had any experience with this type of thing, but generally I never made it to a guy's apartment unless it was a one-time thing or if we'd known each other for a substantial amount of time. I wasn't expecting anything from Edward Cullen, necessarily, I just had no real idea of what to do with myself. Not that I liked him or anything. That was crazy. Irresponsible. I thought I'd been pregnant with his kid for a few days, anyway. No way would he try and pull anything.

Surprise, surprise. I managed to get underneath the boy in three seconds flat.

"Don't be shy," I encouraged as he pulled his mouth away from mine. His couch was scratchy and slightly uncomfortable, and my dress was riding up around my waist.

"I'm not," he spat. "I mean, I kind of am, but that's beside the point. We need to slow down. What the fuck are we _doing_?" The last bit sounded as if he were talking to himself rather than me.

"What you wanted, Edward," I answered, confused. "This _is_ what you wanted, right?"

He grimaced, rolling off of me and onto the floor, resting his back against the edge of his coffee table as he grimaced at me. "Don't be ridiculous, Bella," he scolded. "Did you really think that I brought you here just to shag you like last time?"

"_Shag_? Really?" I snorted. "You sound like Austin Powers."

He cracked a smile before returning back to seriousness. "Honestly, I didn't bring you here to do anything. Not even to make out or something like that. Just to talk."

I cocked an eyebrow but didn't try and argue. "Okay, Tough Guy. So we're here. Come on. Let's talk."

"Good," he remarked, satisfied. "We need to get to know each other. You are mothering my child, after all." _Insert shit-eating grin here_. Just like fucking Dr. Gerandy.

"What do you want to know?" I asked, letting the pregnancy crack slide.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly. No holding back. I don't deal with that shit."

"Okay, then," he started, hesitation evident in his tone. "Tell me the truth. Are you really as…slutty—sorry—as people say?"

I nearly choked. "Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry! Don't be mad. I just hear that you…you know, get around the block. Or whatever." His eyes seemed genuine, so I settled back into the couch cushion and took a deep breath.

"I've been known to wake up half-naked on someone's front lawn with my clothes on backwards. That should speak for itself."

"So you are?" he pushed. "A slut, I mean."

"No self-respecting woman likes to think herself a slut, Edward," I scoffed, folding my arms across my chest.

"But you _have_ slept with more people to count on one hand."

"It's possible," I said nonchalantly.

"Within your first semester of college?"

"I can fit the semester's worth on _two _hands, I can guarantee you that."

He laughed condescendingly, tugging at the neck of his faded t-shirt. "Two hands. Wow. Then I guess I'm not the only guy to wake up on a cheap Disney sleeping bag alone, am I? How cute."

"Don't be like that," I said quietly. "I've made some bad decisions. Sue me."

"Sorry if I'm being rude," he nearly whispered when I hung my head. "It's just…after you told me what you though was going to happen, it just sort of slammed things into perspective for me. I could have been in some serious shit."

"I would have been so sorry to _inconvenience_ you, Edward, but it takes two to tango," I said sarcastically, narrowing my eyes at him.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," he chastised. "Why I'm asking about your, er, history is because…well, I like you, Bella. I do. I know you might not like me back, but I want to see where things go."

I nearly opened my mouth to say something smart-alecky and off-color, but I kept it shut. Did I like Edward?

Alice had sort of forced me into coming on this date, anyway. But was that the only reason I was there? _Alice_ hadn't forced me into pushing Edward down on the couch to straddle him. _Alice_ hadn't forced the butterflies that crept into my stomach when Edward opened the door to reveal his perfectly disheveled apartment in which he lived alone. That was all _me_.

So what now? Maybe I did like weird, Piss Pants Edward Cullen. Maybe he wasn't half bad. Maybe I liked the way that his worn, decrepit corduroys hung right below his hips. Maybe I liked the way his strange, golden eyes looked into mine. But what was I going to do about it?

"I like you too," I blurted.

Well, maybe there was my answer. I guess I _did_ like him. My subconscious mind had just forced me into speaking that small fact into existence.

"Seriously?" he laughed, looking like he'd just won the lottery. "I wasn't just some disposable fling you had?"

"I guess not."

"You're not just here because you're glad you're not in a worse situation involving me and you're just giving me a pity date?"

"I don't think so."

"Hey, whatever. I'll take it." He smiled crookedly, revealing two rows of vibrant, white teeth that I'd never noticed before.

"God, this is weird," I breathed, curling my legs beneath me. "I don't really know what to do now."

"Maybe try doing what normal people do on dates, Bella. It's generally understood that if you're out with someone that you already like them. We just weren't very…traditional about things."

"Nothing about us is traditional, if you haven't noticed," I chuckled. "I wouldn't be here if we hadn't met rather unconventionally."

"I guess you're right about that," he grinned, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully.

"So now that you've asked me if I take my pants off for money, I get to ask you one," I said slyly, raising an eyebrow and twirling the tip of my ponytail between my fingers.

"I never called you a _prostitute_, per say. I just asked how many times you've ridden the train."

"Ew. That's gross. But you have to answer my question truthfully since I answered yours, deal?"

He nodded slightly. "Okay, sure."

I paused before answering, trying to force back laughter. "Don't be offended, but…is it true that you, um, you peed your pants? In the seventh grade? Before you moved here?"

"_What_?" he choked, his eyes widening. "What kind of a question is that?"

"Just answer," I giggled. "Word is that you had to move to Washington because you got made fun of so badly."

"N-no! Of course not! Fuck," he growled, his eyes widening. "Who told you that?"

"It's true, isn't it?" I sang, squealing. "You peed your pants! Gross!" I sounded like a child, but I didn't care. This was too good to pass up.

"Shut up!" he hollered. "No! It's not true! Let me explain."

Another peal of laughter ripped through me as I almost writhed on his couch, my eyes tearing as he fumed. "Nothing you say can redeem you, Edward!"

"That's not what happened, not at all," he said sternly. "I moved to Washington because my grandfather died and he willed his house and his insurance company to my dad, okay?"

Abruptly my laughing ceased. "Shit," I mumbled. "I'm sorry. I thought…I thought you…"

"Yeah, I know what you thought. You've already made that clear," he growled, a smile playing on the corners of his lips.

"Are you about to start laughing, Edward Cullen? I just made fun of you for supposedly peeing all over yourself when your _grandfather died_? That's not funny." I felt my cheeks burning, and instantly wanted to slap myself. I was _never_ embarrassed. Not ever. And Edward was throwing off my groove.

"Relax, would you?" he said lightly. His eyes were soft, and I realized that somehow, by the grace of God, I'd failed to strike a nerve. "I was never close to him. I met the guy maybe twice. My parents needed the money, and Granddad's house is fucking huge, so we moved. That's it. No urination involved."

I exhaled heavily, relaxing. "Oh, thank Jesus. I thought I was going to have to do some major damage control. Some guys have huge soft spots for deceased family members."

"It's fine," he said, waving a hand dismissively. "No big, don't worry. But at least now you know I never peed my pants."

"And now you know that I don't get paid for sex."

"You do have a lot of it, though," he remarked.

"Sort of, yeah."

"To each, her own," he said softly, shifting uncomfortably.

"Do it…does it _bother_ you that I'm that way?" I asked shyly. Would my copious amount of experience drive Edward away? He shouldn't be so judgmental—after all, he _had _been on the receiving end of what was supposed to be a classic one-night stand.

"A little," he answered honestly. "I mean, if this is going to go anywhere," he gestured between the two of us, "I don't want every other guy on campus to know what your tits look like."

"It's not like that," I insisted. "Two hands, remember?"

"How could I forget?" he laughed without humor. "I guess less than ten isn't _horrible_."

"So you want to, like, date me?" I asked.

"Yeah, kind of."

"Why? Not that I mind. I just mean, what's with the sudden change of decision?"

"Are you kidding me?" he asked rhetorically. "I've been doing everything but begging for you to come out with me since we…you know. I even tried to get that one chick who called to beg for me. I thought I'd never see you again. But then I remembered we have Lit together, and it all sort of fell into place. Until you dropped the bomb on me."

"The baby bomb, you mean?"

"I guess you could call it that."

"You surely have a way with words, Cullen," I smirked.

"I've learned from the best. Emmett McCarty. He's smooth," Edward snickered. "Any guy who owns a cartoon sleeping bag is truly a gem."

I laughed with him, liking the sound of our two voices together. "I'm sorry I left," I muttered. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just thought that it was a little fling. I never really intended to speak with you again."

"Yeah, I got that. After you told me the only reason you—or your friend, rather—agreed to meet me was because you thought we were having a baby together. Talk about stomping on a man's ego."

I blushed for the fiftieth time in two minutes. "Why were you still clinging after I bolted?"

"You mean, why was I trying to stay in contact with someone that I had sex with? Is that _weird_ to you? I don't really understand how it could be, considering you let me take off your pants and won't even pay me the courtesy of exchanging _phone numbers_. That shit just doesn't make sense, Bella." He was angry now, his fists clenching as he grabbed the knees of his pants.

"Don't make me the bad guy," I said defensively. "It's just kind of what I do."

"Well that doesn't make it right."

"I never said that it was."

He was silent for a while. I knew he wasn't as angry when his breathing returned back to normal and he actually looked at my face rather than at the ground. "You think I'm clingy?" he asked in a small voice.

"I guess not so much anymore. I mean, now that I think that I might kind of like you and all or whatever."

He smiled slightly, his eyes warming a bit. "Can I tell you something without freaking you out? Promise you won't leave?"

"I'm pretty sure that nothing you can say can weird me out anymore than I already am. Our first date is off to a rocky start, Fabio." I started pouting after I realized that he was calm again, finally allowing the fact that he'd basically called me a whore repeatedly to sink in.

"Tell me that you promise."

"Are you being serious?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Fine. I _promise_. Scout's honor. Jesus."

"Okay. Well…I was clinging because…you, um, you took my V-card, Bella." His cheeks flamed with a heartbreaking blush, his eyes shifting as he wrung his fingers with a nervousness so intense that it was almost terror.

"Your what?" I asked, incredulous.

"My _V-card_, Bella. Fuck. Do I need to spell it out?" Again with the blushing.

"I think you do, actually."

"FINE! You took my _virginity_, Bella. I was still an untouched little cherub before you defiled me. You were the first girl to go where the sun don't shine. Is that good enough? Do I need to sing you a rap song? Draw you a diagram? Anything else to demonstrate exactly what a 'V-card' is?" His breathing was rapid again. His mood swings were giving me horrible fucking whiplash.

I couldn't speak for a second as I fought to find words. "I-I…did _what_?" I coughed. "You're shitting me, Edward."

"Nope. Sorry. Thus far, I only have one notch on the ol' bedpost. And it's got your name all over it, babe."

"Damn it, Edward. Why didn't you tell me? Is that why you're so concerned about my sex life?"

"A little. I just don't want to have to compare with the entire campus, Bell. If this thing goes anywhere." He shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, but I knew better.

"I still don't get why you didn't say something. Now I feel bad."

"Don't feel _bad_. God, that's retarded," he sneered. "It's not like the big V was something I was reluctant to get rid of. Plus, even if I'd tried to talk to you about it, it's not like either one of us was really conscious, anyhow."

"You have a point," I relented. "But I still don't understand. I mean, I'm willing to admit that you're essentially a sexpot. You dress like you just rolled out of bed with someone."

"I do?" he asked, inspecting his clothes. "Maybe it's because I don't do much laundry."

I wrinkled my nose, crossing my legs awkwardly. Suddenly, I felt almost like a pedo-bear or something. Like Edward was an innocent little boy I'd picked off the playground and lured into my car with pixie sticks or some shit like that. I felt indecent, and scantily clad, which were two things that I rarely felt. "But you were drinking," I added. "Generally guys that get rip-roaring drunk at parties are also professional panty-droppers. Especially guys at Emmett McCarty's parties."

"Good Lord, Bella, do you always talk like that?" he said, ignoring my observation.

"Like what?"

"Like you're in some bad porno. Or, like, on that stupid Gossip Girl show or whatever."

"I'm missing your point." Like I ever really understood what he was saying.

"You're scripted. And your screenwriter sucks ass, kiddo." He shrugged, scratching his nose. "You over think things." He hoisted himself off the floor and trudged towards the kitchen.

"Well, geeze, if this isn't Let's Pick On Bella Night." I slouched against the cushion, frowning. Was this kid seriously trying to call me out? Maybe the reason that I was so bothered by what he was saying was because he was right.

"I'm not trying to offend you," he called from the kitchen, his head in the refrigerator. "I'm just trying to let you know that your act isn't working. I don't think you're as bad as you try to play off. We're putting it all out there, aren't we?" He returned with two bottles of Heineken and tossed me one.

_Huh. A drinker, a smoker, and an almost-virgin all wrapped into one. Ironic. _

"I suppose so," I said, cracking open the top. "And thanks," I added, pointing to the sweating bottle that was cradled in my right hand.

"No problem. And I guess if you kind of like me and I kind of like you, we might as well be straightforward. You're a skank who took away my purity. I'm an insecure asshole who _didn't_ pee on himself and then had to move to Washington. Now that _that's_ all ironed out, maybe we should order some dinner, like a real date. You game?"

_Present_

"Dinner's ready!" I called over the half-wall the divided the breakfast nook from the den.

Alice's head snapped around, a smile plastered on her lips. "Thanks for doing this, Bella. Jazz and I didn't know that tonight was Date Night."

I shrugged. "It's not a problem. You know we love to have you guys over."

"We sound like suburban mommies," Alice chuckled, yanking on a strand of my hair. "It's like, 'Hi honey, how was your day?' or 'Perhaps we should take the sailboat up to Nantucket this weekend, I hear the weather is _exquisite_,'" she mocked in an exaggerated tone. "Maybe I should rephrase: thanks for letting us fuck up your night, Bella. I'll try not to get drunk and vomit on your carpet."

"Much better." I smiled with approval, ruffling her hair as Edward and Jasper grabbed seats around my handkerchief-size table.

"Smells fucking excellent, Bell," Jasper commented, grabbing a roll from the basket and taking a huge bite from it.

"Jasper!" Alice chastised, thunking him on the back of the head. "Not until everyone's served."

"Get off my ass, woman," Jasper replied with a full mouth, earning a chuckle from Edward.

I plopped down into my chair, passing the bowl of pasta Edward had made around until everyone else had a serving. Edward squirmed his hand around my knee, smiling warmly. His eyes were so light today that they almost looked like sand.

Dinner went nicely.

Jasper managed to remain respectfully polite, barely deserving even a disapproving glare from Alice. They absolutely beamed at each other. For most of the meal, Jasper told stories of he and Alice throughout their courtship of sorts, earning blushes from her when he talked about how pretty she'd looked on their first date and about how they'd met.

Edward shot me a knowing glance as we both remembered how _we_ had met, and how it was the complete _opposite _of romantic. Alice snorted, obviously in on the exchange.

I was just clearing the food from the table when the atmosphere changed drastically.

Edward was patting his stomach with satisfaction as he rose to help me clean up, Alice grinning from ear-to-ear. The setting was completely normal from an angle, until I looked at Jasper.

His face was absolutely _dripping_ with sweat. His blue eyes were unfocused in spite of the fact that Alice was currently talking to him, and he looked as if he were suffocating.

I eyed Edward quickly, hoping to catch his eye. He was looking at me as well, frozen in place halfway between the sink and the table, turning back to glance at Jasper.

"Jasper?" he asked softly. "You okay there, buddy?"

"Jazz!" Alice squealed. "Babe, you look like you're choking on something! Are you alright?"

Jasper suddenly shot up from his chair, his wild, blonde hair plastered to his forehead. He fumbled with the navy windbreaker he wore, digging his hands in the pockets as he shook in place.

"I thought I could wait, but I just can't do it anymore," he said loudly, as if he'd been holding his breath.

"Wait…seriously?" Edward asked incredulously. "Dude, just calm down. Let's be rational."

"What's happening?" Alice shrieked. "What's going on? There's something happening and the two of you aren't telling me! Tell me!"

"Alice, be quiet," I urged, watching the interaction between the two men.

"Don't tell me to be quiet, Bella. Just tell me what the hell is going on. Why does my boyfriend look like he's having a stroke?" Alice was rocking in her chair, looking very much like a hummingbird. I set the potholder in my grip on the counter, moving to Edward's side.

"I gotta do it, Ed," Jasper blubbered, swiping his forehead. "It's time."

Edward rolled his eyes. Jasper was always living his life by the "if it feels right, do it" motto. Apparently, he was applying that ridiculous concept to the situation at hand. I groaned internally.

"Do _what_?" Alice prompted. "I'm going to throw something if you don't stop speaking in code, Jasper."

Jasper turned slowly toward her, finally looking at her for the first time since apparently the knowledge that it was _time_ hit him. She gasped a bit when she saw his face, but surprisingly remained in her seat somewhat calmly.

"Alice," he said slowly, grabbing her shoulder hastily. She shook a bit beneath his hands, her eyes widening. Homeboy looked drunk. Or at least on some hard drugs.

Edward and I couldn't move, or stop watching. It was like a car crash—you know you should look away, but you just _can't_.

"We've been together for a real long time," Jasper drawled. "A _real_ long time. And I've loved every second of it. Even when you hit me or throw my phone out the window 'cause you think I'm calling some other girl."

Edward laughed under his breath, and I nudged him to be quiet.

"But I love you, Alice Brandon. I have forever, and I will forever. I'm not kidding, and I want you to know that. I think the only thing that could make my life any better is if you would just marry me." His eyes were almost hanging out of his eye sockets, and I was fairly sure his lips would fall off from licking them so much.

Alice tried to speak, but she just wound up making this weird throaty sound like that chick in _The Grudge_. "Jazz," she whispered breathlessly. "I don't know what to say..."

"Say yes!" he exploded, throwing his arms in the air. "It's perfectly practical, Al. I love you. More than my own life. I'm almost one hundred percent sure that you love me the same, and if you married me I think I would never be unhappy again."

Edward laughed again, but this time, I didn't hush him. We both knew that a storm always brewed beneath the surface with those two.

Alice looked to me, confusion splashed across her face. Her eyes flickered between Jasper's pleading expression and my poor attempt at a poker face. "I-I don't know, Jasp," she stammered. "Are you sure?"

"I am as sure as anything, Alice. If you marry me, you always get first shower and I'll make you french toast every Sunday morning like you like it. I swear, I'll be the best husband ever, Al. Just say you'll marry me." Jasper, the poor guy, was on the verge of tears, his hands shaking as he reached for his pocket.

"Of all the opportunities, he had to pick _now_," Edward muttered under his breath. I nodded, understanding his slight frustration. Alice and Jasper, while we loved the two of them, had sort of intruded on a night that was supposed to be ours, and now Jasper was proposing to Alice in _my _kitchen. I also couldn't ignore the fact that it stung a little to be witnessing something that could potentially make two people so extremely happy when I knew that I wouldn't feel that same happiness anytime soon. As if Edward could hear my thoughts, he took my hand gently in his.

Jasper extracted a tiny, velvet box from the left pocket, taking a deep breath before kneeling more traditionally on one knee. "Let's do this, Alice," he said quietly, grabbing her hand. "Marry me."

"Alright," she nearly gasped, a single tear slipping down her cheek. "I'll marry you."

Jasper yelped with an emotion that I couldn't find a better name for than _glee_, sliding the ring on Alice's finger.

It didn't disappoint. It was almost as if Alice had picked it out herself--and I wouldn't have been surprised if she actually had. She was always pointing out jewelry and other expensive things that she liked or wanted, and Jasper usually followed suit by purchasing them for her. His old, Texas oil money was a huge contradiction to his trademark ratty clothing.

Now that the ring was on her finger, Alice chose to jump from her chair and scream a little bit, throwing her arms around Jasper's neck and screeching like a little school girl. "I'm getting married!" she yelled. "I'm getting married I'm getting--,"

A thump came from below, interrupting her. That goddamn tenant was always tapping the ceiling with a broom whenever things got loud.

*****

Jasper and Alice excused themselves shortly after Edward popped open a bottle of Dom for a toast. Both of them looked very anxious, and I tried not to let my mind wander as I considered exactly how far they'd be able to get before they tore each other's clothes off. Hopefully it wouldn't be somewhere in the apartment complex--I already had a reputation of being one of many loud, crazy college students that lived in the units, and I didn't want to be held responsible for two additional people.

"Well, that was interesting," Edward sighed, removing his watch as we got ready for bed in the bathroom beside each other. He didn't live with me, but he often slept over. We were somewhat uninterested in moving in together despite the fact that he practically lived with me already. Relationships tended to spiral downward after shacking up together. Funny how just having a designated drawer in someone else's condo could drastically change the state of your future happiness.

"Why the hell did he do that?" I asked with irritation, scrubbing at my teeth. "Couldn't he have picked another time?"

"You know how he is," he shrugged, leaning over me to grab the toothpaste. "Can I borrow that?" he asked sheepishly, pointing to the toothbrush that was still in my mouth.

"Whatever," I answered, handing it to him. "It was just...inappropriate, I guess. I wasn't prepared for that. And now I wasted my only bottle of nice champagne that I was hoping to keep for a while."

"I'll get you another bottle, don't worry. But Jasper pretty much rolls with the punches. You know that. He _feels _when something is right, which I think is fucking ridiculous, but he's convinced it's a _gift_," he mocked, throwing up air quotes.

I spat into the sink thoughtfully, sighing as I pulled myself up on the counter to watch Edward. He brushed his teeth roughly with my toothbrush, slowing when he saw me looking at him. He knew how I hated when he pulled the bristles out from brushing to hard.

"What's the matter?" he asked, rinsing his mouth. He wiped his lips sloppily with the back of his hand, a dab of toothpaste still on the corner of his frown.

"I don't know," I whispered, my eyebrows screwing together. Edward pushed himself between my knees, rubbing the top of my thighs where my satin shorts began gently. "I guess I just feel...left behind."

"What do you mean?" he asked, rolling his thumbs in little circles against my skin.

I tried to laugh casually, wiping the blob of toothpaste from his mouth, but it came out like a dry whimper. "I guess I just feel like Alice and Jasper are like, surpassing us, you know? Like they're first place and we came in second."

"Oh," he said simply, looking down to my lap.

I nudged his chin up with my hand, searching his golden eyes for a speck of emotion. I couldn't find anything within them, and it worried me. "How do _you _feel?" I encouraged, my voice small.

"Honestly, Bell, I'm not in any sort of hurry to get married. I like how we are right now." His eyes softened now as he took in my expression. He brushed a lock of my hair behind my shoulder, his fingers grazing the bare skin of my shoulder. "I never knew that you wanted to take the next step just yet. At least not _now_."

"I know, I know," I said, frustrated. "It's just when you came home and told me about Jasper, it just got me thinking. The two of them are so..._dysfunctional_. And somehow, they've still found a way to get engaged. And the two of us," I said, moving my hand back and forth between his chest and mine, "we're so _perfect_. Everything just works for us. I look at Jasper and Alice, and I wonder why that can't be _us_." I could feel my cheeks blushing as I opened up to him. I didn't even know _how _to blush before I met Edward.

He planted a kiss on my forehead, his lips grazing my skin as he moved down to my cheek. "We'll have a time, Bella," he assured. "Just like Jasper and Alice, we'll have a time, too. But now we need to be good friends to them, I guess. Jasper wants to get hitched really fast. And I mean _really _fast."

"Huh?" I asked, backing away from his. "Exactly how fast are we talking?"

"Well, he's been planning on asking Alice for a while now. He just neglected to tell any of us. I know, it's weird. He's usually the first one to blurt out whatever he's thinking. But he's got it all planned out--at least the parts that Alice will even _let _him plan. He wants to be married within three months."

"Shit," I breathed, lacing his fingers with mine as he leaned into the counter. "And are we supposed to be helping them out with this?"

"Best Man and Maid of Honor," he smiled, cupping my face in his hands.

"Good God. Thanks for plopping this all on us, Jasper," I said spitefully. Edward chuckled as he leaned in to kiss me so softly that I could barely feel his lips on mine.

"I love you, Bella," he said firmly. "I really do. I know you're frustrated, but I'm glad you told me. I don't want to be with anybody else, not ever."

"I know you don't. I know."

"But let's just help out those two kids before they ruin their own lives unknowingly, okay?"

"Alright," I pouted, letting him kiss me again.

*****

**you dig? keep going? agh! review, loves.**


	3. Picking Sides

**this chapter is one big flashback. no random returns to the present. kind of makes room for the plotline to carry out, so hopefully you like!**

**big thanks to my new wonderful beta, MrsKatyCullen. she rocks.**

**pimp this thing out if you like it! i need reviewers. my other fic is almost finished so i'll have much more time to devote to this. love you guys.**  
song: **creator by santogold**

*****

_Past_

"Who's calling?"

"No one, Alice," Jasper said calmly, shoving his vibrating phone into his jacket pocket. The Strokes were booming from the speaker, and he stealthily moved him thumb to turn off the ringer.

"Shut up," Edward grumbled. "This is the best fucking part."

I laughed at him, snuggling further into his side. Bruce Willis or whoeverthefuck was the main character in the movie we were watching and had just narrowly avoided being blown up by a live grenade. Edward looked ready to shit himself.

"DON'T tell me to shut up, Edward," Alice growled. Edward and I had been together for a while now, but she still wasn't fully accustomed to him being so blunt to her in her own house. "That's like, one of three things you never say to a woman."

"What are the other two?" I asked.

"'Chill out' and 'calm down,'" she answered.

I nodded thoughtfully. She was probably right. Edward generally preferred the term, 'relax' when he spoke to me. It was a lot less condescending.

"Would you guys shut the fuck up?" Edward growled, pointing the clicker towards the TV and turning up the volume. "I don't talk during the stupid shows _you_ like, Alice. So…yeah."

Alice ignored him, leaning back on her heels as she watched Jasper with discontent.

He leaned lazily against the couch, watching the action movie he and Edward had bought off pay-per-view with his mouth hanging open.

"Who was that calling, Jasper?" she drilled.

He winced at the octave of her ringing voice, his glance flickering to her before focusing back in on the screen. "I told you. It was no one. It's irrelevant. Now let's just watch the movie."

Edward began to say something, his eyebrows furrowed, but I slipped a finger over his lips to caution him. Interrupting one of Jasper and Alice's arguments was like playing with fire, especially when it was just heating up.

"Jasper, you have exactly _five_ minutes to tell me who that was." Alice was fuming, her hands on her hips and she kneeled beside him on the couch cushion.

He took a deep breath, rolling his eyes as he turned to look at her with a bored expression. "Damn it, woman, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm not talking to any girls on the phone, and it's not your fucking business who's callin'."

_Woah_. Bad call, buddy.

That set Alice off, for sure. Edward and I just stayed together in the recliner, watching it all unfold. We weren't stupid. It wasn't like we would try to stop her once she got started.

Within twenty minutes of constant bickering, it was uncovered that a _Maria_ had called twice that day and a _Charlotte_ had called once the day before. Alice eventually stormed out of the apartment that she and I had shared at the time, leaving only a broken magazine rack and a few shattered beer bottles in her wake. The sound of the door as it slammed resonated in the sudden stillness of the room eerily. I had no idea where she was going. She didn't really have many friends other than the three of us and this one chick in her Art History class.

"Shit," Jasper swore, his head in his hands. His blonde, curly hair was wild around his bloodshot eyes.

Edward and I hadn't moved an inch, both of our eyes wide as he held me.

"Jazz, maybe you should…" Edward started.

"If you're going to tell me to stop calling other girls, Edward, it's not my fucking fault. They call _me_."

Edward shrugged, scratching his hair. "It doesn't matter, man. Tell them to stop calling."

"I _can't_," Jasper groaned, throwing his head back against the couch.

"You're not fucking any of them, are you?" I gasped, stiffening.

Edward smoothed my hair to calm me.

"So help me God, Jasper," I growled through gritted teeth, "if you're cheating on Alice, I will make sure that you are physically incapable of boning _anyone_ for the rest of your life."

"Chill, Swan. It's not like that."

Jasper was such a dumb ass. He and Alice had been together for about two years now. We'd all stayed in our apartments during that summer to see our leases out, and we had all been together almost everyday.

I remembered being resentful of their relationship when I was always the third wheel. But now that I had Edward, the two of them were really fun to be around. However, our little quad did indeed have its drawbacks. Alice's temper and Jasper's inconsideration, for example.

At least once a week, the two of them had some catastrophic argument. It generally ended in broken dishes, cell phones thrown out the window or into a toilet, and Alice and Jasper breaking up. It was exhausting.

Luckily, their problems never rubbed off on Edward and I. In a way, their dysfunction was sort of a good thing for us. We saw their unhappiness, and agreed that that would _never_ be us. We laughed about them together whenever we were kissing each other goodnight or falling asleep beside one another, knowing that whenever Alice came back Jasper would figure out how to get her to forgive him and somehow wind up in her bed by midnight.

But this time, the two of them surprised us.

Jasper didn't come back for a _very_ long time.

*****

"I-I-I d-don't know!" Alice sobbed, her face distorting into a complicated crumple as she rested her chin on her knees.

"You don't know why he hasn't come back, or you don't know why he cheated?" I asked softly, looking for clarification.

Edward eyed me nervously from across the room as I rubbed Alice's shoulders, trying to calm her down. _Watch what you say_, I could almost hear him saying.

My words sent Alice into another round of hysterics.

"Maybe you should go, Edward," I whispered. He shook his head tersely and remained stationary as if I hadn't said anything at all.

"W-what kind of a fool does he play me for?" Alice cried, looking back at my face through tear-clouded eyes. "Did either of you know about this?"

"No!" Edward and I both exclaimed simultaneously.

"You gotta believe me, Al," Edward said quickly, raking a hand through his hair nervously. "I had no idea whatsoever."

Alice grimaced, wiping her bleeding mascara with the backs of her hands. "I feel so fucking stupid. He swore to me that he didn't even _see_ other women since he was with me. And now I come to find out that he was fucking, like, three of them." She let out a final whimper before collapsing into another fit as Edward and I watched, paralyzed.

Jasper hadn't contacted Alice in almost a week. His absence was keeping her in constant depression, and I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't making Edward and I edgy as well. Edward was avoiding my apartment as much as possible. It was hard for him to be neutral in choosing between my best friend and his, and I didn't really blame him for not wanting to be caught up in Alice's temper tantrums. Still, it was hard to split my time between caring for Alice at our place and keeping up my relationship with him at his. I was exhausted.

"Sh," I soothed, twisting Alice's hair in my fingers. "Do you absolutely know that he was cheating on you, Alice? Let's be rational, here."

Edward's eyes hardened as he shifted uneasily. I bit my lip as we exchanged glances.

"I saw _her _car parked outside his building, Bella," Alice sneered as if I should've already known this. "I _saw_ her walking out all smug and post-coital and shit with my own _eyes_. What else is there to say?"

"Maybe it's not what you think," Edward piped up. "Maybe it's just a misunderstanding. It would kind of suck to throw everything away just because you won't listen to him."

This statement set her off. Within seconds, Alice had moved so quickly that I hadn't even had enough time to blink. She was in Edward's face, shaking with anger as he cowered into the recliner.

"Maybe it's not what I _think_, Edward?" she hollered. "Maybe it's not what I think? If Emmett fucking McCarty's car were outside _Bella's_ fucking house, what would _you_ think? Huh? Tell me that."

Edward's eyes shifted in his eye sockets as he swallowed nervously, his face inches away from Alice's. "Well, I'd probably be sort of irritated, but—,"

"But NOTHING!" Alice screamed. "But fucking nothing! He did it, Edward. She'd been calling his phone along with those two other sluts for _weeks_ before I even asked him about it. And then he played it off like I was the one overreacting. It's over. I'm finished. Since you're _such_ good friends with him, then _you_ tell him to go waste his time fucking some hooker while _I_ move on with my life." She turned on her heel, storming down the hall and into her bedroom. "And, _by the way_, asshole," she called to him from her doorway, "_I_ was the one that introduced you to that fucking sperm-dumping infidel! So maybe you should think about where your loyalties lie!"

The slam of her door shook the apartment, and we received a nice ceiling-thump from the downstairs tenant.

*****

"I have to go home tonight, I think," Edward sighed, sitting on the edge of the tub as he swirled his pointer finger around in the bubbles.

"You do? What for?" I frowned as I sunk deeper into the bathwater.

Alice's friend Rose was having some party at her big, fancy townhouse for her birthday that night, and Edward had promised me that he'd come with me. Alice had begged and begged for me to go. She'd been without Jasper for almost a month now, and I'd agreed to accompany her out of pity. Edward's presence would have made the whole thing a lot more bearable.

"It's summer. School's almost starting. My mom says she misses me and wants me to drop by the house. She was complaining that I live less than two hours away and only come home during major holidays."

"How about I come with you?" I suggested, pouting.

Edward's eyes hardened as he swirled his finger around absentmindedly in the water. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Why?" My voice was whiny, but I couldn't help it.

"They…they don't know about you yet, Bella. I think it would be a better idea if I fill them in first before bringing you home. That's a big step."

"They don't know about me?" I asked, taken aback. "Edward, you've come home with me, like, five or six times in the past couple months. You were at my dad's house pretty much the entire Spring Break. Didn't they even ask why you were gone so often?"

"Um…about that…I kind of told Esme that I was visiting Jasper in Seattle." Edward tugged nervously at his collar, the tips of his ears beat red.

"Are you embarrassed of me or something?" I asked softly. "I don't understand."

"It's not your fault, Bella," he replied, running his thumb over my cheekbone. "I've just never really had a girlfriend before you. You know that. It's scary for me."

I choked out a laugh, crossing my arms over my bare chest. "Oh, yeah. I forgot that I took your _V-card_. Whatever the fuck _that _is."

Edward smirked, unfazed by my sarcasm. "I'll tell them tonight, if it makes you feel any better. But just be prepared to take part in every single solitary Cullen Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving. Be careful what you wish for."

I grinned smugly as he lifted himself from the tub's edge and trudged off grumpily to drive home.

Alice picked me up after I'd dried my hair and shrugged into the same jersey dress I'd worn the first time I'd been out with Edward. She gave me the classic once-over, wrinkling her nose slightly in distaste as she reached up to rake my hair out of my eyes. After gaining her final seal of approval and insisting that _no_, she was _not_ allowed to iron my dress for me before we left, we climbed into her car and left for the party.

I was still pretty damn upset as we drove down the highway to Rosalie's neighborhood. Edward's words were playing in my mind like a broken record.

_They don't know about you yet, Bella._

What. The. _Fuck_.

Alice tried to meddle, asking me what was wrong with me and poking my arm repeatedly when I tried to ignore her. For some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it just yet. I felt like someone was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. My mom and dad already knew all about him, and he'd been to my house several times to meet my dad during the times that we were apart. Why was it so hard for him to just…be tied down?

Ever since our first date, our relationship had evolved into something very deep. I had to force myself to mature and keep my pants on at parties, and Edward had to adjust to my personality and instantly opened up to not just me, but to everyone. I thought we'd come such a long way between then and now…but maybe I was wrong.

"Alright, B-Swan," Alice began as she parked her flashy black sport's car along the street, "you're going to need to watch yourself tonight because I'm not going to monitor your alcohol intake for you."

"I don't need you to baby-sit me, Alice," I sneered, grabbing my bag and dragging ass up the street to find Rose's house. There had to be around thirty or so cars parked up and down the road. For some reason, I instinctively searched for Edward's little shitty silver sports car, allowing myself to be disappointed when it was nowhere in sight. I shouldn't have been surprised, I just hoped that maybe he would change his mind and come to the party with me rather than going home. Or at least to come back and say sorry.

"Well, you just might have to baby-sit _me_," Alice giggled, breaking me from my somewhat pathetic wishful thinking. "I'm footloose and fancy-free and I'm looking for a hit-and-run."

"That's disgusting," I snorted, turning to march up Rose's front walk. "Why exactly did you ask me to come here with you?" I didn't really know many people that were coming to the party, and I was a little edgy about it. I didn't really party much after getting together with Edward.

"The basics," she breathed, straightening out her skirt before reaching to open the front door. "You know, watching my drink, making sure I don't hook up with someone embarrassing…same old, same old."

I chuckled, throwing my bag carelessly on the floor by the front door. "Well, last time the latter happened to me, it didn't turn out so bad."

"You're just a lucky one, I guess. I plan on getting very drunk and forgetting all about Jasper and fucking Maria and everything else."

"Good plan," I encouraged, forcing a smile. I tried not to think about how Alice would be having all the fun while I thought about how my boyfriend was afraid to introduce me to his parents and trying desperately not to shimmy out of my dress.

*****

I had been sitting at a bar stool at the expensive-looking granite island in this Rosalie chick's kitchen for almost an hour, watching Alice take shot after shot of various liquors. She'd already given two losers a lap dance after vomiting all over a potted plant before escaping from view. I probably should have gone looking for her, but I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts that I barely noticed her leaving. My phone vibrated in my pocket.

_New Txt Msg from: Alice_

_Ggonee 2 roses room wittrh mike fuckin newton! _it said. _Donnt wait up! ;)_

I rolled my eyes, figuring that at least she was horizontal and away from the crowd where she couldn't hurt herself or others. I couldn't remember who this Mike character was or if he was someone I should be protecting my tiny best friend from, but my ass remained on the stool cushion as I pitied myself and stayed away from the enticing keg on the other side of the great room. Some guy had given me a Solo cup and waived the normal two dollar fee since I had both eyes and a vagina, but the first and only sip I'd taken all night tasted empty and almost disgusting. And I _loved_ beer. Fucking Edward.

It seemed like ages before I felt someone tap gently on my shoulder. I whirled around, my head spinning as hope built in my chest. I was somewhat disappointed to see Jasper standing there rather than Edward, but all of my sadness was immediately tossed aside as I realized precisely _why_ Jasper was there and remembered exactly _where_ Alice was at that exact second.

"Hey, Bella," he said quietly, rubbing at his bloodshot eyes. I nearly couldn't hear him over the fucking obnoxious Gwen Stefani shit that was blaring through the speakers. His hair was matted and crazy, his cheeks rough with stubble. He looked like a mess.

"Um, hi, Jasper. What are you doing here?" My voice squeaked loudly as my throat suddenly dried out. I really fucking hoped that such as thing as telepathy existed as I practically screamed at Alice in my mind to get off this Mike Newton kid's pole and to get her ass down here before something happened that she'd really regret.

"Emmett invited me. Apparently he's fucking Rose now and he figured I'd want to come. You know, because of Alice." His face fell when he said her name, and I just wanted to hug the kid and tell him how sorry I was that I'd let Alice out of my sight.

"Oh," I said simply. "And you decided to come?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "I figured you and Edward would be here. I miss the hell out of you guys."

I frowned, the guilt on my chest intensifying. "We miss you too, Jazz. It sucks that Alice lives with me, otherwise I'd have called you or something."

"I understand. I'm the enemy now." His eyes hardened as he scratched at his neck. I noticed that his fingernails were gnarled and jagged. Jasper was never much of a nail-biter.

"It's not like that. Alice is just…upset."

"I didn't do it, Bella. I swear," he whimpered, his eyes filling with tears as he gripped my shoulder. "You gotta believe me."

"I believe you, Jasper. But it doesn't really count as long as it's not Alice." I figured the truth was better than skipping around his feelings. Part of me hoped that if I told him how it really was he'd chicken out and go home before anything bad happened.

"Those girls…that one Charlotte girl. You remember? The one who kept calling? She dates my friend, Peter. I told Alice that over and over but she wouldn't believe me."

Some drunk bitch bumped into the back of my chair, and I shoved her away angrily before turning back to Jasper. "What about _Maria_? Or whatever the fuck her name was?"

"Bella, please. Not you, too." Poor boy was practically crying now. It seemed highly inappropriate considering the environment we were in. Everyone around us was laughing and having fun while Jasper's heart was breaking.

"I'm not picking sides. I'm just asking, is all."

"If you must know, Maria took a certain…interest. She was convinced that Alice and me weren't a long-term thing and she kind of came on to me. But nothing ever happened between us, I swear to God."

"Again, it doesn't matter if I believe you or not. Alice was going to forgive you, you know. She was coming to your apartment to talk about it when she saw _Maria _leaving. Try and explain _that_ to her, and maybe she'll take you back," I snapped, forgetting about the upstairs situation and laying it on thick. Jasper deserved to know how much he'd hurt Alice.

"_Maria _came over to try and take _me _out. I didn't even invite her. She knocks on my door in some skanky-ass dominatrix outfit, acting like I owed her a date or something. It's a misunderstanding!" Now he was sweating, running his hands recklessly through his hair as he swallowed nervously.

"So you didn't fuck her?" I asked skeptically.

"No. Nothing. Well, we did kiss, like _one_ time. But that's it."

I laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, Jasper. That's cute. Maybe you should try telling Alice that. She totally won't castrate you, or anything." Heavy on the sarcasm.

"I came here to tell her, actually," he said, not even bothering to be offended by my words. Probably because he knew they were true. "I need to talk to her. It's been too fucking long. I can't really sleep anymore."

I reached out to touch his arm. "Jasper, now isn't really a good time…"

"It's just as good of a time as any. I need her, Bella. I made a mistake. But I'm ready to do whatever it takes," he said firmly, his blue eyes still clouded.

I wracked my brain frantically for an excuse to pull, coming up dry. I could see it all perfectly: Jasper anxiously climbing the stairs to find his sole reason for living in mid-climax on top of a guy she barely even knew. _Perfect_.

"She's busy, Jasper. You can't see her. Tomorrow," I urged, tightening my grip on his arm.

His brow furrowed, his eyes hardening slightly. "What? Why? What could she possibly be doing that could make it so she…" He trailed off, realization sweeping over his face. "Oh my God."

"Jasper, I'm so sorry," I cried, my eyes instantly filling with tears. "She's drunk. It doesn't mean anything. It's my fault, I let her out of my sight!"

His eyes spilled over as he attempted a half-hearted smile. "No, no. It's not your fault. Or really Alice's, either. It's mine. I'm too late."

"No!" I yelped. "It's not too late. I can go get her. I'll go get her, and you can make everything better. Right?"

A guy pouring himself a shot on the island looked up, a confused look on his face. I shot him a glare that made him exit the kitchen _very_ quickly.

Jasper choked roughly, his face paling. "I'm gonna go, Bella. I'll, um, I'll see you later." He walked away, his hands jammed in his pockets as he hung his head in defeat.

I told myself I'd never tell Alice that he'd been there.

*****

Something cold woke me up the next morning.

It was on the back of my neck, soft and appealing, but at the same time, agonizingly freezing. I rolled over to see what it was.

A pair of topaz eyes met my brown ones, and I jumped slightly.

"Jesus," I swore, my hand flying to my heart as I shot up.

"It's just me," Edward laughed, pulling me back down on my side by my wrist. "I missed you."

I smiled as my heart slowed, snuggling into his soft, green t-shirt. "I thought you were spending the night at your parents'."

I tried not to let myself be angry about that whole situation, instead choosing to live in the moment as I inhaled the sweet cigarette-and-honey smell of Edward's skin.

"I did," he said thoughtfully. "But I drove home early this morning so I could be here when you woke up."

"I didn't wake up on my own," I grumbled. "Your fingers feel like fucking ice cubes."

He bit his lip, his eyes apologetic. "Sorry. I was just looking at you. You're pretty when you're dreaming."

I rolled my eyes, grinning sleepily. "Did you…you know, tell them?"

"Tell who?"

"Your parents. About me."

Edward's lips stiffened, his body rigid as his arms tightened around me. "I told my mom."

I watched him as he rubbed his socked feet nervously back and forth on my comforter, he knee poking out of the hole in his jeans. "Did something bad happen?"

"No," he said, his voice pulling up as if he were lying. "She was kind of irritated, I guess."

"Why?" I searched his golden eyes for a trace of emotion, but all I could find was chagrin.

He hesitated for a moment, licking his full lips with his little pink tongue. "I told her that I came to visit you instead of Jasper all of those times over Spring Break and earlier in the summer. She was…irked, needless to say."

I smiled internally. "I'm glad you told her. But why was she angry? Does she not like me? Does your dad know?"

He smiled tolerantly as I blurted out all of my questions. "She was just pissed that I lied about you," he explained. "She said that it wasn't fair to you, and that I should have brought you home sooner."

"She's right," I said, smiling hugely.

"And my dad still doesn't know," he said, watching my face as it fell. "But don't worry. Esme just told me not to tell him. She thinks that it will be better if we…surprise him."

"Surprise him?" I asked. "Why?"

"Well, let's just say that my dad's still hoping I'll fall for his good friend's daughter. They've been pushing us together since we were little kids, and my dad is very straight-laced and has some sort of aversion to any other girl besides her."

My heart began beating furiously as I considered Edward being with someone else. "Do you…like her? What's her name?"

I'd choke a bitch.

"Bella, I hardly know her. Well, I do, but I'm not interested."

"What's her name?" I repeated.

"Tanya. I know, it's a fucking ridiculous name. But her parents are really old-fashioned Spaniards, and when they adopted her as a baby they named her after some royal Spanish ancestor of theirs or some shit like that." He cleared his throat, waiting for my reaction.

"I want to come home with you. Soon." I wouldn't let Edward's dad have that adopted fake Spanish Tanya slut bitch anywhere remotely near _my_ man.

"It's a done deal," he laughed, kissing my forehead.

Edward cooked me breakfast while I took a shower, my mind suddenly coming down from the high of finding Edward, in all of his glory, laying in my bed. I remembered the night before. Rosalie's party. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. _Alice_.

Where the fuck was she?

I jumped from the shower, shampoo still in my hair, and wrapped a towel around myself. I ran from the bathroom after leaving the water on, running to the next room to pound furiously on the door.

"Alice?" I hollered.

"Is everything okay, Bell?" Edward called from the kitchen.

"Alice?" I called again, ignoring him. I threw the door open to reveal her empty bed, the sheets and comforter tucked in immaculately. I scanned the room for any signs of her return. A cell phone, a pile of her clothes from last night, anything. I came up dry.

The soap from my hair was burning my eyes, but I paid it no attention as I ran to the kitchen.

"What happened to you?" Edward smirked. "Need some help?"

"Not now, Edward," I said flatly, rolling my eyes. "We need to talk."

"About…"

I took a deep breath, shoving all of the worse-case scenarios I'd compiled into the back of my head as I struggled to form a coherent sentence. "Last night, I went with Alice to that party you were supposed to take me to."

Edward smiled sheepishly, flipping the piece of sizzling French toast in the frying pan. "I'm still sorry about that," he said softly.

"Water under the boat," I said, waving my hand dismissively. "But that's beside the point. Alice wound up getting out of my sight and went upstairs with some guy Mike Newton."

"Mike Newton?" Edward asked, his face paling. He mumbled under his breath, and it sounded something like _fucking scum_.

"I have no idea who that is. But Alice told me to go home and not wait up for her. Of course I stayed anyway. But then, all of the sudden, Jasper comes up behind me and begs for me to believe him and he's going on about how he didn't cheat on Alice blah, blah, blah. I wound up telling him where Alice was, and the kid starts crying and walks out."

"Damn," Edward breathed. "Tough shit. Couldn't you have just, like…not told him?"

"I considered it," I sighed. "But he was ready to go hunt her down to explain himself. Imagine if he'd walked up there and saw her with his own eyes."

"I guess it's best that you did," he nodded thoughtfully.

"I think so," I agreed. "But that's not even the worst part. I left Alice there. Rose was sober, naturally, and she told me just to take Alice's car and go home and that she'd have her friend Vera drop Alice by later on in the night. That was probably before Rose discovered Alice's underwear on her floor and this _Mike_ character's jizz in her sheets."

Edward grimaced. "How eloquently said," he snorted. "But I still don't see why you're in here with your hair all soapy."

"Okay," I began, taking a deep breath. "Big problem. I just checked Alice's room, and she's nowhere in sight."

"She probably just crashed at Rosalie's house," Edward said calmly, flipping my breakfast onto a ceramic plate. "That Rose girl is a bitch, too. Emmett told Jasper he's porking her."

"Edward, I don't care whohe's 'porking.' I don't even think that's a term that anyone other than sixth grade boys use. All I care about is that Jasper's heart is broken, and my best friend that now may or may not have herpes is fucking missing," My cheeks flamed with frustration, angry that Edward's demeanor was still very at ease.

"She's probably fine, Bella."

"Yeah. She probably _is_, Edward. Maybe we just _shouldn't worry_," I hissed sarcastically. "If by 'fine' you mean 'naked in a ditch', then yeah, you're probably right."

Almost as if I'd willed it into existence, the door to the apartment clicked open. My head snapped towards the entryway, my hair dripping down my back.

*****

**cliffie, my b. don't worry, alice isn't some coked up rape-ee. she's fine. REVIEW! and come back soon. you guys are blowing me away with all the alerts, but i want to know what you think!**


	4. Moving Boxes

**SORRY for the delay. I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm just so busy it's ridiculous. All of my friends are going on their separate ways again, and I'm spending a lot of time with them. So here is a little piece of the beginning of a VERY complicated plot development.  
Since it's been so long since my last update, you might want to re-read. I made the changes from past to present more clear and less confusing, so hopefully that makes a difference. Enjoy!  
Thanks to my bb Katy for being a great beta/advice-giver and emailing me in the wee hours of **_**her **_**morning when it's only like...6 PM where I am (:**

*****

"Hey, guys," Alice said sheepishly, crossing her arms over the flimsy cotton of her t-shirt. "Sorry I didn't call this morning."

"Alice!" I screeched. My cheeks flooded with heat, my brows furrowed. My hands found my hips as if they were drawn by magnets. I tried to find the words to say, but none came. My mouth continued to hang open stupidly.

Alice blushed, rubbing her hair delicately as she bit her lip.

"I'll leave the two of you alone," Edward said, chuckling lightly under his breath. Homeboy thought this was a _joke_.

It was silent for a few measures, only the sounds of Edward's feet padding off towards my room filling the empty space between Alice and I. I crossed my arms, mirroring her stance, as I waited for an explanation.

"Look, Bella," Alice started, "I'm really tired. I'm sorry I didn't check in, but I really need to go get some sleep."

"_Sleep_?" I asked, incredulous. "You're just _tired_? Alice, I'm not in charge of you. I'm not your mother. But I was fucking _sick _with worry." I omitted the part about how I'd forgotten she was even missing up until just minutes earlier.

"Bella, I'm fine," she scowled. "Just a little…disoriented."

I laughed once without humor. "I knew I shouldn't have left you alone."

"Probably not," Alice shrugged. "But you're right. You're not my mom. I have to screw up sometimes."

I nodded, my eyes on the kitchen floor as I tightened the rope on my robe.

Alice turned minutely to hang her purse on its hook, her face worried when we met eyes again. She cleared her throat. "Bella…" she trailed off. Her eyebrows pulled together and her lips puckered in deep thought. "What…what happened last night?"

My heart dropped in my stomach as I recollected, crippled by the sudden innocence of Alice's voice and the memory of something I could have helped to prevent. "I don't know if you really want me to tell you, Al," I breathed.

"That bad?"

"Um, kind of. Yeah." I shrugged. I was never much of a sugar-coater.

She nodded intently. "Who was it?"

"You sure you want to know?"

"It will come up eventually," she said, her voice cracking.

"It was this guy I don't know. His name was, um…"

"Mike Newton!" Edward's voice flooded in from the other side of the apartment, the soft clicking of my door following his intrusion as he closed it quickly. _That nosy, little…_

Alice's mouth opened in an 'O' of surprise, her eyes suddenly clouding with tears. "Bella!" she gasped. "He's disgusting!" She began pacing anxiously, tugging on her black, spiky hair.

I snorted, covering my mouth with my hand. "Serves you right," I giggled.

"How could you…never mind. This has nothing to do with you, sorry," Alice blushed. "But you have to promise you'll never, ever, ever tell. Okay? Edward, too."

Immediately, I stopped grinning. "Al, um, other people know." That was an easy way of putting it.

"Who?" she choked, the blood draining from her child-like face. She stopped pacing abruptly, her feet glued to the floor.

"Well, Rosalie Hale knows, obviously. And Emmett."

"Anyone else?" she snapped, her face hard and expressionless. Her muscles were tensed with nervousness. I wanted to hug her.

"Um…just one," I answered, wincing.

"Who?" she yelled, throwing her arms up in the air with exasperation. "Just tell me! I'm too tired for this."

I bit my lip, my eyes falling back to the floor as my breathing became erratic. "Jasper was at the party last night. He knows."

And then, there was silence. Silence so still and uncomfortable that it almost had a definite sound. The sound was _loud_, almost a vibrating fuzz that didn't really have a name, just a _feel_. Peaceful, yet terrifying.

"Alice—," I began.

"No. Don't," she snapped. She turned a few degrees, pulling her hand up with her palm facing my direction. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

I waited.

"How. Does. He. Know?" she spat, not looking at me.

"I don't know," I lied quickly, my tone suddenly whiny. It made me sound like a different person.

"What, did he…_see_ me, or something? What? I know that you know," she insisted, her eyes narrowing although she continued to refuse to meet my gaze.

My face fell. I couldn't lie to her. She deserved to know. "_I_ told him, Al. He was going to come find you. He wanted to apologize. And if he found you with…with Mike, then—,"

"_You_," she whispered, venom lacing her tongue. "You. You told him."

I felt a crease form between my brows, my chest burning. "Yes. I did," I said in a hard tone, my voice suddenly formal. "But this isn't my fault, Alice. It's better that I told him rather than him _seeing_ it for himself."

She forced out a breathy laugh, turning her neck to glare at me. "Yeah, but it was still _you_."

I squirmed to find excuses, but I found none. Although I didn't owe her any explanations, I still felt the need to come up with them. She was irrational, and bossy, and semi-retarded, but she was my best friend. And as ridiculous as she was being, she still deserved to hear what Jasper had said. She could be mad at me, but there were bigger issues to deal with.

"Alice, he didn't do it," I blurted. "Jasper didn't cheat. He was coming to explain. You can…_we _can fix this."

"We can't, Bella!" she shouted suddenly, causing me to jump. "It's too late now! Don't you get it? _We can't fix this_." There was finality in the way she spoke.

"But…_why_?" I asked quietly, my voice small.

She turned her face from mine, her body trembling with a stifled sob. "Because," she whispered, "even if he didn't do it, now _I_ did."

Silence.

"Alice, I'm sorry," I said, crossing the kitchen to touch her arm. She jerked away from me, tears spilling over her little cheeks.

"You told me last night you'd look out for me," she blubbered. "I trusted you. You promised."

"Are you being serious right now?" I laughed, although there was definitely _nothing_ funny about it.

"Yeah. I am," she hissed as she looked over my shoulder. She would look anywhere by my face. "You knew how upset I was. You knew that's why I've been drinking so much. Not once did you try to save me. That's what best friends are supposed to do."

Had I heard her correctly? Was she honestly, seriously blaming _me_? I knew she was in denial. I knew that she was most likely placing all of the fault on me because it made things easier to deal with. But Jasper was my friend, too. I wouldn't let myself feel the guilt that I didn't deserve. I had saved his feelings from being bruised even further by telling him where Alice was and what she was doing. Hell, I even saved _her _from the terror she would have felt had Jasper seen her straddling this Mike Newton guy for himself. So why was she making me feel so shitty? It didn't feel good, to have guilt, sadness, and pure _fury _piled up on top of one another. Venom pooled in my mouth as I glared at her with shock.

I looked behind me to make sure Edward's nosy little head wasn't popped out of my bedroom door again. When I saw that the coast was clear, I dropped my voice down to an almost inaudible grovel. "Best friends are supposed to 'save each other,' huh? Funny you say that, because _you_ weren't looking out for _me_ when I wound up hooking up with Edward freshman year."

She giggled maniacally, her expression a little frightening. "The two scenarios are completely unrelated, Bella."

"Hardly," I shot back, rolling my eyes. "Only difference between them is that _my_ guy actually still wants to _be_ with me. _He_ doesn't have to look elsewhere."

Her eyes widened, her palm flying towards my cheek.

The sound of her hand hitting my skin was startling. It filled the air just like the silence had, but in a strange, sick way. It made my vision go scarlet and my blood freeze in my veins, my own hand seeking the singed flesh as the coolness of my fingers soothed the sharp pain.

"You…you actually hit me," I sputtered, still in shock.

Alice's eyes were vaguely apologetic, although her mouth still remained in a harsh line. "I think I need to move out, Bella," she said, her tone oddly calm.

I nodded, still paralyzed, before turning on my heel to return to the kitchen.

My French toast was getting cold.

*

Alice eventually got over things.

Of course, by then, all of her shit was already gone and Daddy Brandon had bought her a nice, fifteen hundred square foot condo on the other side of campus. But at the same time, I was more than happy to have my apartment to myself, despite the fact that my dad was paying twice as much as he had been before.

"Please, please, please let me move back in, Bellie," Alice had pleaded only a week later. I'd gone to her new place to give her the last box of her things, and she'd immediately burst into childish tears.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't be a baby, Alice," I chided. "You're a five minute drive away."

She sniffled, wiping her green eyes daintily with perfectly manicured fingers. "I know," she mumbled. "I just wish I hadn't gotten to angry. Now what do I do if I get lonely?"

_You could call Jasper, if you hadn't fucked him over_, I thought to myself, the undeserved guilt crashing down on me yet again.

"I'll come over if you're ever afraid of the dark," I droned disinterestedly in the classic Bella Swan fashion, pulling my car keys from my pocket as I backed towards the door.

Her tiny face collapsed, her wide eyes refilling with tears. "I'm being serious," she whispered. Bitch was fucking melodramatic.

I rolled my eyes and harrumphed, crossing my arms over my chest. "We can have sleepovers whenever you want, Al. Seriously. I'm not going anywhere."

She sniffled, smiling a little. "You mean it?"

"Yeah. I mean it."

Before I could blink, her arms were around me and her face was pressed into my shoulder. "I'm sorry everything turned out this way, Bella. I'm really, really sorry."

"Yeah," I murmured, patting her back gently. "Me too."

That was the end of it, really. While we remained the best of friends, Alice never moved back in, and in spite of her numerous invitations, I never moved in with her. I think that it was partly because I liked the independence, and partly because I wished Edward would get over his commitment issues and finally, _finally_ realize that he wanted to move in with me.

But he never did.

_**Present**_

"Fuck," I swore, wincing before shoving two fingers into my mouth. The heat of my spit just made the fresh cuts on them burn even more than they already were, encouraging another slew of expletives to roll off my tongue. The taste of my own blood in my mouth made me nauseous, the rust and sweat flavor making my head spin.

"Be more careful, Bella," Edward cautioned from across the room, barely looking up at me. He held his thumb steadily against the ribbon wrapped around the gift box cradled in his lap, expertly tying a bow and shoving it on the table set up in front of him only to get started on another. Alice had gotten him started earlier in the day on wrapping engagement announcements—a bottle of red wine with hers and Jasper's names on them, along with the date of their wedding—and he was already more than halfway finished.

I glared at him in disbelief. I had been opening an early wedding gift sent to Alice's apartment from Edward's mom and dad with a box cutter before stupidly slicing my own fingers open. Sure, it was clumsy and inept, but that was _me_. And Edward was uncharacteristically being inconsiderate.

"What's wrong with _you_?" I snipped.

Edward sighed, dragging his eyes from his meticulous bow-tying to stare at me with his golden eyes that had managed to get less and less creepy as time wore on. I'd grown to love them, to see them behind my closed eyelids when I was too restless to sleep. But now they looked…well, irritated.

"I've been wrapping this shit all _day_, Bella," he said intolerantly. "I'm more than a little tired."

"Then take a break," I suggested. "You're right. We've been doing this all day. We deserve a rest."

Alice and Jasper were out at some place called _Pottery Cow_ or whatever the fuck it was called picking out gifts for their registry, leaving Edward and I stranded at Alice's place with a pile of her dirty work to do. They still had just under three months until the big day, but knowing Alice Brandon also meant knowing that she was never one to hesitate. I could almost see it in my head: Alice whining and complaining with embarrassment as Jasper leaped and ran around the store with the little pointy register gun things, 'shooting' overpriced cups and pillows while making explosion noises with his mouth. The thought almost made me giggle. But Edward's face somehow persuaded me to hold back.

"I guess," he grumbled, shoving out of his chair and pounding into the kitchen. I heard him tug the fridge open, the jars and condiments in the door rattling against each other, followed by the sound of a cap being lifted from the neck of a cold bottle of beer.

"Get me one?" I called, my voice pulling up on the end, as if I was actually worried that maybe he'd say no. Was I…intimidated? Well, hot damn, yes I was. I was intimidated by my own fucking boyfriend. I felt like a dog with its tail between its legs, like I'd done something wrong even though I couldn't figure out what it was.

He dragged ass back into the room, the same vacant stare on his face as he handed me a sweating Heineken.

I felt this sudden, aching need to somehow..._impress _him or something. At least to make him laugh. It was uncomfortable, the feeling building in my chest. It wasn't often that Edward was this way, and whenever he was, it was unsettling.

I took a long pull from the bottle, swallowing it down and letting out a dramatic 'ahhh.' He didn't look at me as I'd hoped. I glanced at my beer, rubbing my thumb over the little red star over the label. "Remember our first date, Edward?" I asked, praying to God that it would ignite some conversation. _I_ was the bitchy, immature one. He wasn't allowed to be.

"Yeah," he said flatly, taking a gulp.

"I remember you bringing me one of these right after you called me a whore," I mused, forcing a laugh. "I remember being so surprised that such a virginal boy was also such a heavy drinker."

As I hoped he would, he locked eyes with me. "It's cause of my dad," he said, smirking. "Carlisle got me into the Heineken. Used to say that, out of all the many kinds of beer he had, it was the freshest and the most 'homey.'"

My eyes flickered to the open gift from Mr. and Mrs. Cullen on the floor by my feet. A few moments of silence settled on us, the almost muted sound of the television only calling attention to the absence of conversation.

"Edward," I said almost inaudibly, "We've been together for a long time."

"Yeah. We have," he agreed, taking a deep breath.

"I, uh, I want to meet your dad."

More fucking irritating motherfucking _silence_.

"Edward?"

"I heard you," he snapped. He pinched the bridge of his nose tightly between two fingers. "Honestly, I'd feel kind of weird just, like, calling him up saying, 'hey, _Daddy_. I want you to meet the girlfriend I've never talked to you about. She only, oh, you know, took my virtue and has been fucking me for over three years.'"

I felt my eyebrows furrow. I guess he wasn't going to lighten up at all. _It was just going to be one of those days._

"Don't make it sound like it's my fault that you never introduced us, Edward," I said quickly, jumping to defend myself. "You're the one who had your fucking mother come to _us_ just so we didn't have to confront him. I feel like every time I try to meet him, he's off somewhere. You haven't even brought me back there since sophomore year. What are you _afraid_ of?" My eyes narrowed into slits.

He slammed his beer down to the table with the announcements stacked neatly on its surface. I could hear the wine slosh in their bottles. "Damn it, Isabella, you sure know how to pick the right opportunity to irritate the shit out of a guy."

I raised my hands in the air. "Hey, I'm not the one who made this into an argument."

Edward ripped a hand through his disheveled bronze hair. "I'm not _afraid_, okay? I have to do this on my own time."

"Well excuse me for thinking that three years is a little too long to wait until you decide when your 'own time' is," I hissed. "I just don't get it. You've met Charlie, hundreds of times. You're so good to me, Edward. You're perfect. _We're_ perfect. So tell me why this is so hard for you." My tone had gone from one of fury to one of desperation. It was goddamn pathetic.

He swallowed heavily, his brows low against his yellow eyes. His tongue darted quickly over his lips, his nostrils flared. "Carlisle thinks you were just a fling, Bella," he said quietly, his tone of voice heavily contrasting his expression. "He doesn't know that this," he gestured between us, "is long term."

"Is that why you won't move in?" I asked, my voice so tiny and so un-Bella-like that it almost made me angry.

"I'm not ready," he said simply. His face was hard. Decided.

"Okay." My voice was hollow and dry. I felt like I'd shoved a bag of cotton balls down my throat.

He rolled his eyes, taking a long, deep breath. "I ought to get home, okay?"

I nodded once, my eyes falling into my lap. My cheeks were warm with embarrassment, hot tears springing to my eyes. What was _wrong_ with me?

And better yet, what was wrong with _Edward_?

I felt his lips press firmly to the top of my head. "I'll call you tomorrow."

The door closed heavily behind him.

*

_**A Few Years Earlier**_

"She took me back! It's like it's my fucking goddamn birthday! Alice fucking took me the fuck back!"

The door ricocheted off the wall, closing itself behind Jasper as he nearly broke out into a victory dance.

I jumped in shock before scowling, scratching my head with annoyance. It was a bit past ten in the morning, and I was tired. Edward had slept over the night before, and, well…we hadn't done much sleeping.

"Could you at least knock next time?" I asked, my voice thick and raspy. "What the hell are you going on about?"

Jasper crossed the room in one swift motion, lifting me from my seat at the kitchen table by the armpits and spinning me around the room in his arms. "She took me back!" he sang, planting a wet, sloppy kiss to my cheek. "Alice Brandon forgave me! And she only hit me twice!"

"Alright, 'attaboy, Jazz. Now let Bella down," Edward's deep voice mumbled. I heard his palm clap against Jasper's back.

Jasper lowered me to the floor before turning to Edward, grabbing his upper arms and giving him a good shake. "Are you hearing me, man? _Alice_! _Me_! _Together_! Happy day!"

Edward chuckled. "Seriously? Like, no kidding?"

Jasper pumped the air with both fists, cackling like a fucking hyena. "No kidding, dude. And she spent _all night _proving it."

Edward fist bumped him like the stupid college guy he was while I tried to wash out the mental images that Jasper's ever-so-eloquent words had formed in my brain.

Disgusting, yes. But knowing that they were back together eliminated the constant inkling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

"How'd you manage it, Jasp?" I asked, interrupting their male bonding tribal dance. "Last time I talked to her, things seemed to be kinda final."

He smiled, showing both rows of perfect, white teeth. "I camped out in front of her apartment door for a couple days. She had no real choice but to confront me."

"But it rained all weekend," I laughed.

"Weather-resistant one-man tent," Jasper explained as if it were the most logical reasoning ever conjured.

Edward laughed again, sitting down across from me at the table to begin picking at the breakfast he'd been eating before Jasper barged in. "That's kind of creepy."

Jasper shrugged. "Different stroke for different folks. Luckily, Alice seems pretty fond of my strokes, if you know what I mean." He added in a sleazy wink.

"Jesus Christ," I spat over Edward's snorts. "Enough with the innuendo, okay? I just want to know how you got her to talk to you."

"A dozen roses every time she opened the door, that's how," he answered, grinning impishly. "I even sang to her."

"Bet _that _was what sealed the deal," Edward snickered sarcastically. Jasper frowned.

"I can carry a fine tune, thank you very much," he mumbled.

I pulled my knees to my chin, resting my cheek against the flannel of my pajama pants. "What about _Mary _or _Maria _or whatever her name is?" If anyone was going to point out the pink elephant in the room, it was me.

Jasper's smile straightened out into a harsh line, his eyes widening. "It's done, okay? I don't want to bring her up ever again. And I mean that." His tone was so harsh that I didn't question him.

"Fine, sorry," I surrendered, carrying my plate to the sink. "Consider it dead."

He sighed with relief, settling into my vacant chair. "Things finally can go back to normal now," he said, kicking his boots up onto the table.

"I'm just amazed, to be honest," Edward commented, breaking a piece of bacon into tiny pieces. "I thought you and Alice were completely done for."

"Me too," Jasper breathed. "But we made up last night, once and for all. She wants me to move in." I rolled my eyes.

_Cue the shit-eating smile in five…four…three…two…ahhh, there it is._

I could almost hear the gulp Edward took then, his eyes flickering to me nervously before dragging back to Jasper. Anytime any of our friends talked about moving in with _anyone_, whether it was family, friends, or significant others, it made Edward nervous.

"Are you sure that's the best thing?" Edward asked skeptically. "I mean, you guys just got back together."

Jasper sighed, scratching his wild, blonde hair. "I just can't lose her again, Ed," he sighed, his face falling into a serious expression. "Bella hasn't been with anyone else since you two have gotten together, so I can't see how you'd know what it feels like. But I just _can't_ deal with any other motherfucker seeing Alice the way I do _ever_ again. You know what I mean?"

I pulled myself up to sit on the edge of the counter, my eyes never leaving Jasper's face. It was moments like these—though very few and far between—when I remembered why I let Jasper be with my best friend in the whole world. He was stupid, he was childish, but he _loved_ her.

But count on Edward to be level-headed and ruin the whole fucking moment.

_Damn _maturity. Damn it to hell.

"Still, man, that's no reason to rent a U-haul. Give it time. She's yours now. Just because you put your toothbrush in her medicine cabinet doesn't make it more official," he said, reaching behind him to set his empty plate by the sink.

Jasper shook his head quickly as if he didn't want to hear anything Edward had to say. "I. Just. Can't," he insisted, his voice hard.

Edward shrugged. "Okay, okay. I'm just trying to help you see the options you have."

I wanted to smack him, or scold him or something, but I decided to sit back and be quiet.

"I don't have any other options, Edward. This is it. I didn't really care before. Alice used to bitch at me all the time and I just stopped caring what she thought. But I lost her, and honestly I'd rather that woman scream at me all day, everyday than to ever sleep in my bed without her again."

"Good luck with that, then," Edward chuckled condescendingly.

There was a new lump in my chest, and I couldn't decide why it was there. It hadn't been there last night, or before Jasper came, but it sure as hell was there now. Part of me recognized it. Was it…sadness? Rejection? No. It was…_jealousy_.

Yep. That was it. I was jealous.

Because, part of me, albeit a small part that I kept shoved deep in the pits of my soul, wished that the way Jasper felt about Alice was the way Edward felt about _me_.


	5. Young Urban Professional

**I AM BACK! And here's a new chapter for you all. This story is going to be a little slower on updates just because with all the flashbacks and what-not, I have to keep two storylines going at the same time with the same people and somehow tie it all together. And this causes me to make a lot of mistakes. I fixed a few in previous chapters, mending some errors with facts and timelines and all that jazz. But I hope you like it (: Sorry I'm such a flake!**

* * *

_Past_

After Jasper moved into Alice's condo, everything went back to normal. It kind of creeped me out, actually. It was like nothing ever happened--not Maria, not Mike Newton, like absolutely nothing. And I was fucking relieved. I had thought that I was going to go prematurely gray. But now Jasper was back on my couch beside Alice on Thursday night movie night and even Edward seemed happier.

But the whole irrational jealousy situation still hadn't alleviated whatsoever.

Jasper and Alice were still happy as clams, that much was clear. I was honestly surprised when Alice didn't bring Jasper's mysterious phone calls up like she normally would have just to pick a fight, and I was also surprised that Jasper didn't scream at her for putting all of his dirty clothes in the hamper so he couldn't find anything to re-wear twice between washes. They were _happy_.

And with all this change going on, I realized that my life was still the exact fucking same.

Edward and I were just as good as a middle-aged suburban married couple.

We ate at the same restaurants, went to the same places, watched the same movies, had sex in the same positions...etcetera, etcetera. And it was irritating.

I'd changed everything for Edward. I used to be _Bella Swan_, the life of the party, snarky and quit-witted and hot as hell with a Pilates ass that came without exercise. There might as well have been a fucking poster of me in every frat house on campus. To some, that would have labeled me as trash. But to me, that labeled my life as fucking _fun_.

But now I stayed in every weekend watching Fight Club re-runs on AMC with my boyfriend of seven months that I'd deflowered and stayed faithful to. And the whole thing with Edward's dad wasn't really helping the good ol' mood, either.

So I told him that.

I made it into a little game. It was a really fun game called, _Let Me Meet Your Father Or I'll Stop Having Sex With You At All, Ever, Period_. And yes, BJs counted. And hand jobs. I was cutting him off cold turkey.

He'd yelled at me and called me a child and even brought up the Lion King sleeping bag again, staying at his one-room apartment for a whole three days before dragging his ass back through my door and begging me to reconsider. But I was solid as a rock, and he realized that we had to compromise.

"Bella, you home?" Edward had called. He was just getting back from his shift at the campus auditorium, running the light show before some performing arts shit that was scheduled for the next day.

"I'm in here," I called from the bathroom, wiping my forehead with the back of my arm. I was sitting on the edge of the tub, my feet braced against the subway tiles of the wall as I tried to shave them as quickly as possible. All the steam was making me sweaty and sticky.

I heard the sounds of Edward's feet padding towards the bathroom and the door swing open behind me.

"Come on, Bell, we gotta hurry. We're going to be late," he said calmly, trying not to nag me.

I rolled my eyes, easing the razor over my knee carefully so I wouldn't nick it. "Edward, it's just dinner at your parents'. It doesn't start at seven on the dot. Another ten minutes won't kill you."

I tried to be passive about it and act like it was no big deal, but truthfully it was only so I wouldn't freak the fuck out. If Edward himself was afraid to tell Carlisle Cullen about me, then it wasn't exactly a cakewalk to get in the car and drive to Clallam County to introduce myself. I hadn't even found time to tell my own father I'd be coming back towards Forks, I was so focused on making a good impression.

I concentrated on my breaths, wiping the leftover shaving cream from my legs and turning to find Edward still standing in the doorway.

He was smiling crookedly, to my surprise. I thought he'd be irritated that I was almost forcing him to introduce me to his parents, but instead, he was grinning like a moron.

"You're nervous," he stated. It wasn't a question.

"Am not."

"You definitely are," he insisted, grinning wider. "Bella, it'll be fine. Don't worry. Esme loves you, and my dad will, too. Well, maybe love is a strong word. I don't even know if he loves me all that much. It's just not his nature."

"Oh gee, thanks for the pep talk. I feel really confident now," I said grumpily, standing up to towel myself off.

His laughter echoed off the walls. "Relax. I don't even think he loves _me_."

I stiffened my jaw, feigning confidence as I reached around him to grab my toothbrush. "Well I'll just make him love me, then," I insisted. Truthfully, I was trying to convince even myself.

I dressed quickly after that, fully allowing the nerves to kick in while Edward combed his hair and shaved in the other room. I dressed conservatively--well, as conservatively as a closet like mine allowed. My shirt was plain, a faded light blue with thin, white stripes that looked acceptably Nancy Reagan-ish. My stepdad had gotten it for me from some yuppie store in the mall for my high school graduation, and the logo on the right pocket was burning a hole in my chest. I pulled a plain, charcoal pencil skirt of Alice's over my ass and slid my feet into some pumps I'd worn only to my Grandmother Swan's funeral, and sighed when I caught my reflection in the mirror.

"Calm down," I said, feeling retarded that I was even talking to myself. "You'll be fine. Just be yourself."

Well _shit_. Being myself wasn't exactly ideal.

I'd known Mom and Pop Cullen since the eighth grade, or rather I'd known _of_ them due to the simple fact that they were residents of my town and Esme was head of the PTO at my high school. And I happened to know that they were pretty old-fashioned folks. There was absolutely nothing about me that was old-fashioned, and for the first time ever, that scared the shit out of me. I was essentially the vomit of the twenty-first century.

But I had to make an effort. I heard Edward's knuckles brush the wooden door to the bedroom softly before he poked his head in.

"Almost ready?" he asked, rubbing some leftover toothpaste from the corner of his lips.

"No," I snapped, tearing a paddle brush through the mop on top of my head. My hair was fucking unruly and knotted, and I still had no makeup on. Edward chuckled.

"Here," he said softly, "give me that." He pulled the brush from my hand gently and turned my face back to the mirror, standing behind me. "Put on all your makeup and shit. I'll get the knots out."

I couldn't help but smile as I watched him pulling the brush through my hair as slowly as he could so he wouldn't hurt me. I was tender-headed everywhere but in bed, and I liked that he remembered that.

We pulled out of my apartment complex looking like a couple of young urban professionals.

Edward had washed and waxed his car, and the stupid foam Seahawk antenna thing was missing. There were no cigarette cartons or gum wrappers in the backseat, and one of those little pine tree air fresheners was hanging from his rearview mirror.

Not to mention the fact that Edward's pants were ironed for the first time since I'd met him and he actually had stuff in his hair to make it stay in the stylish little 'do he'd somehow managed to create. He looked like he had in eighth grade. I found myself laughing.

"What are you cackling about?" he asked with a hint of a smile. His yellow eyes locked with mine in an amused expression before flickering back to the road.

I made a show of smoothing my skirt over my knees and folding my hands gracefully in my lap. "Oh nothing, dear," I yawned in an English accent. "How was your day at the office? I enrolled the children in day school today and bought a new yacht. Hope you don't mind."

"Anything for you, sweetheart," he replied in a similar accent. "We should sail it to Fiji this summer with Gail and Egbert."

"Gail? And _Egbert_?" I asked, laughing and breaking character. "Egbert almost sounds like Edward. I guess that makes sense, since both are semi-ridiculous White Anglo-Saxon Protestant names."

"We Cullens are _not_ WASPs, Bella Swan," he said sternly before cracking another smile.

"Well in that case, you can just turn around and drive me home so I can change into denim shorts and flip-flops then," I shot back.

Edward turned his turn signal on and merged onto the ramp leading to the interstate. "Okay, fine," he relented. "Carlisle and Esme are about as preppy as it gets. But I promise, you'll fit in just fine."

I bit my nails the entire trip there, hoping that he was right.

_Present_

"These look so amazing I could cry!" Alice squealed, fanning her face with her hands.

Jasper stood against the far wall of Edward's apartment with his hands in his pockets, looking indifferent. Actually, he just looked pretty damn _bored_.

Edward shrugged, flashing Alice a white grin. "No big deal. For you guys, it was worth it."

Alice's eyes went back to the last thirty engagement announcements littered across Edward's coffee table and den floor, almost welling up with tears as she took in how intricately each lavender bow was tied and how perfectly the cream-colored gauze was wrapped around each wine bottle. None of this perfection was due to me, of course. It was all Edward. Edward, my more coordinated, my more considerate, and altogether my _better_ half. But he let me embrace Alice and Jasper like it was a joint effort. I should have thought that it was nice of him to let me take credit for a job I'd done nothing but fuck up, but instead, I was kind of irritated.

"Thanks, guys," Jasper muttered after Alice eyeballed him sternly. "This really helped us out a lot. Here's to the greatest best man and maid of honor either of us could ever ask for."

We all lifted our beers into the air and muttered half-hearted agreements before collapsing into the couches and turning on a movie.

After about a half hour, we realized how much the movie fucking _sucked_. It was some Jennifer Lopez shit that Alice picked out, and Edward decided we were no longer going to watch it despite all of Alice's protests. Edward's apartment, Edward's rules.

"So, just to make sure, I don't have to wear a lavender suit in the wedding or anything, right?" Edward asked, trying to distract Alice from her DVD temper tantrum.

Of course, it worked.

"Ew, of course not," she said, almost offended. "You'll wear dark gray suits with white shirts and lavender ties. Tuxes are yucky."

"I'm almost positive that I'm the only one here who gets the intense pleasure of wearing all lavender," I said dryly, fighting the urge to roll my eyes.

Alice beamed. "And you'll look amazingly gorgeous, too. I talked to my dad and he finally agreed that I can have you and Edward walk down the aisle and under the chupah together, instead of alone."

Alice's dad Efraim, a fifty-something-year-old exotic car salesman, was very powerful, very rich, and very Jewish. And on top of that, he was _very_ traditional. So Jasper and Alice were planning a traditional Jewish wedding, despite the fact that technically Alice wasn't even Jewish since her mother was Catholic and also Jasper's was a product of a thoroughly Southern Baptist family. Generally bridesmaids and groomsmen walked separately, but we were all breaking and bending the rules a little bit, beginning with the wine announcements. But Alice liked to play dress-up and play pretend and throw big parties, and Daddy Brandon was footing the bill. So I was going to suck it up and wear lavender and dance the Hora and all of the above.

"Bellie, I meant to ask you something," Alice chirped suddenly, breaking me out of my own head.

"I'm all ears," I said, picking at my cuticles.

She cleared her throat, darting her eyes to the side as if she were trying to pick her words carefully. "I need another bridesmaid. I feel weird just having a maid of honor."

"Okay..." I answered, still not hearing the question.

"Well, I was wondering...I was wondering if you'd mind if Rosalie Hale was my second bridesmaid."

Rosalie. The girl fucking my former one-time flame Emmett McCarty. The girl with the Mike Newton party and the Gwen Stefani music and the double-jointed tits. Interesting choice.

Alice took my silence as an invitation to explain herself further.

"Bell, you know you're my best, best friend. But I just feel kind of awkward with Jazz and me only having two member parties. It's just kind of pathetic. Plus, Rose and I have been friends since first semester freshman year when we had Art History together." Her eyes were big and round as if she actually cared about my opinion.

Truth was, I didn't really care at all. I knew Rosalie was with Alice when I wasn't, and I'd met her a couple times, but not enough to be best friends with key chains and bracelets and matching tattoos. The only issue I had was that Rosalie Hale had been with essentially the same guys I had been and beat me in the upperclassman wet t-shirt contest during Rush week junior year. But that was my old life. That was my old life. That was my _old_ life.

"It's your wedding, Al," I said, shrugging. "Do whatever you want."

"You mean it?" she squealed, beaming from ear-to-ear.

I nodded, feeling Edward's hand cover my knee.

Jasper locked eyes with Edward. "Ed, I hope you don't mind, but I asked my good buddy Peter to be my second groomsman. You know, to match with Alice, and all."

"Oh, I'm totally offended," Edward said sarcastically. "You know I don't give two fucks. It's your fucking wedding, and you have an open bar. I really can't ask for anything more."

The two of them reached across the crowded coffee table to do some weird boy fist-bump thing, and Alice and I just rolled our eyes and smiled at each other in excitement.

At least she didn't have to fake hers.

_Past_

It seemed like forever instead of just under two hours before we pulled up to Edward's driveway. Trees hung over the long, three-mile gravel stretch like an overhang, gray Spanish moss shading the lane from the rare bit of sun shining.

"You know, if you'd bring me around more often, maybe I wouldn't forget how beautiful it is here," I said quietly, sinking into the seat as we approached the giant, glass-and-wood expanse of Edward's family's mansion. Edward had mentioned something about a big renovation they'd done a couple years before to keep up with the times since they'd inherited the house from Edward's grandfather.

He harrumphed and rolled his eyes playfully as he parked the car in front of the winding staircase that led to the second story entrance. "Well, we're here now, so appreciate all you want to," he said.

I took a deep breath while I he pulled the keys from the ignition, trying to calm myself down. Suddenly, his warm, dry hands were on my cheeks, and his nose was millimeters from mine.

"Bella, you'll be great," he whispered, planting a soft kiss on my parted lips. "I promise."

I gripped his hand as we climbed the stairs, trying to ignore the pounding worry in my chest. My throat was completely dry as he lifted a long finger to press the doorbell.

Again with the waiting. We were both silent as we waited for the door to be answered.

Of course, since the front door was completely glass and we could see everything on the other side, it was a shock to see a twiggish, almost Amazonian blonde approach the handle with a smile plastered to her face.

Edward was suddenly gripping my hand so hard that it hurt, a hushed string of expletives flying from his tongue.

"What is it? Who is that?" I asked quickly before the mystery lady could open the door.

He simply shook his head once, silently telling me to ask him about it later. What I hadn't known is that after the very next moment, he wouldn't have to explain _anything_.

"Hola, Bella!" Blonde Twig chirped in a heavily accented, velvety voice. Her thick, Spanish accent shocked me due to the simple fact that she had _very_ platinum hair. She took my hand and leaned in to kiss my cheek. "I yam Tanya. Eet eez a pleasure to meet you finally." She smelled like a baby prostitute.

Sweet Jesus Shepherd of Judea. Tanya. I knew that fucking name. Edward had mentioned her before...

_Well, let's just say that my dad's still hoping I'll fall for his good friend's daughter, _he'd said once._ They've been pushing us together since we were little kids, and my dad is very straight-laced and has some sort of aversion to any other girl besides her._

Ahhh. Now I remembered. Welp, this was just fucking _perfect_.

Tanya's gaze finally fell on Edward. The poor guy was pretty much sweating pools.

"Edward," she breathed, her giant lips pouting in a disgusting, collagen-enhanced way as she practically salivated. "Eet has been far too long."

His eyes stayed wide open and locked to mine as she leaned into his arms, wrapping him in all of her tanned, gym-toned glory. He patted her back twice politely, still staring at me. His discomfort eased mine a good bit when he appeared to not enjoy having her giant boobs pressing against his face, right before Tanya leaned back and pecked him right on the mouth.

I wanted to tackle her. I wanted to rip her apart, limb from liposuctioned and augmented limb. I wanted to tear out her stupid fucking blonde hair and I wanted to pop her stupid fucking lips like a balloon. That was _my_ man.

But then I remembered that my hair was brushed, I had heels on, and I was about to try to impress the famous Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. Now was _so_ not the time to go all Sasha Fierce, so I simply cleared my throat until Tanya's head whipped back around to me. She smiled sheepishly.

"Oops!" she squealed, putting her manicured fingers over her lips. "I yam so sorry, Bella. Keesing eez only custom in España to say hola! I mean no offense, of course."

"Of course," I replied through gritted teeth. Fucking custom, my ass. I wasn't retarded.

She watched me for a minute with absolutely huge blue eyes before she, in a random and obnoxious burst of energy, grabbed both mine and Edward's arms and yanked us up the white, modern staircase.

"Come!" she sang, looking down at me. "We muzt come to cocina! Esme has been cooking for you all day!"

I looked back at Edward with narrow eyes, trying to stare him down and not trip over my own feet simultaneously. He still looked shocked, like someone had slapped him.

Finally, we entered the absolutely palatial kitchen to find Esme chopping vegetables and throwing them into a large glass bowl.

"Isabella!" she called, setting the knife down and sauntering around the counter to give me a light hug and kiss on the cheek. "How very nice to see you."

"It's nice to see you, too, Mrs. Cullen," I replied, forcing a carefully composed smile. I ran quickly through the few things regarding etiquette I'd learned in my almost twenty years, trying to come up with the right thing to say. "Your home is just lovely," I added quickly.

Esme giggled a musical laugh. "It's not like you haven't been here before, dear, but I appreciate the compliment."

Crap. Maybe you only complimented homes when you'd never seen them before. But, at the same time, the last time I'd been here had been very brief and I'd only stood in the living room waiting for Esme to get her purse so we could go to lunch in Port Angeles. So as for the etiquette shit, I still had _no_ fucking idea.

Tanya pulled herself up onto a barstool in front of Esme's cutting board, sniffing the air dramatically and twisting a long tendril around her pointer finger. "Esme," she sighed dreamily, "deez smells absolutely amayzink. You are always such wonderful cook."

Jesus Christ, her voice was perfect. I hated it. She sounded like Penelope Cruz and sex. It was excruciating.

And of course, _she_ had said the right thing. Not me. I knew this as soon as Esme's eyes lit up pleasantly in delight.

"Oh, thank you, dear," she said, blushing. "Isabella, I'm assuming you've met Tanya. She is one of Edward's oldest friends."

I nodded once. "We just met, actually." I didn't know really what else to say.

"Isn't she lovely?" a foreign voice echoed down the hallway leading to the kitchen. A tall, dark man sauntered into the kitchen, an equally tall and dark woman on his arm. I had to try hard not to stare.

Fuck me, the man was a DILF if I'd ever seen one. His skin was tanned darkly, his forearms almost leathery in a really sexy and totally not gross way. He had thick, dark hair, slight darts of gray at his temples. His incredibly light, blue eyes offset his skin tone perfectly, and his dark, fitted suit looked expensive. His eyes told me that there was no way he wasn't related to the Spanish horror who had just been macking on _my_ boyfriend.

The woman had curls as manicured and as blonde at Tanya's were, but her eyes were dark as was her expression. She was a size negative eight, and her heels were so high and the diamond studs in her ears so big that I almost laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

"Now Edward, don't be rude," Esme chided, looking up from the cutting board. "Introduce Bella to our guests."

I tore my eyes away from the beautiful couple to find Edward backed up against a giant floor-to-ceiling tapestry behind me, material fisted in his hands and his knuckles bleached white.

"Uh...um, Bella, meet Eleazar and Carmen Flores, good friends of my family," he said through a dry throat.

Eleazar nodded his head deeply and Carmen simply tweaked the corners of her lips into a pathetic attempt at a welcoming smile.

"Edward's father met Eleazar while studying abroad in Spain during his old Dartmouth days," Esme added. I hadn't even known Edward's dad had gone to Dartmouth. But I nodded like I did.

"We've since settled in Seattle," Carmen spoke in a fluid and practiced monotone. "We travel to visit Carlisle and Esme on the most special of occasions."

"We were very happy to be invited here to meet you," Tanya commented, barely even looking at me.

That bitch.

I could only smile and nod for so long. _Say something_, I urged Edward in my head, hoping that telepathy would work for me for once.

Thankfully, we were on the same brainwave for the first time ever in our relationship. "Speaking of Dad," Edward said, "where is he? Bella wants to meet him."

Esme put her cutting knife down slowly, pausing for a minute before scraping the sliced pepper into the glass bowl.

"Edward, honey," she said carefully, "Carlisle's held up tonight. He's working late at the office and one of his clients came into Port Angeles yesterday. It's important that he meets him tonight instead. It's business, after all."

Edward's jaw flexed and his brow furrowed in an unsettling way. "Do you realize that we drove _two hours_ to meet him and he's just going to _bail_?"

Esme laughed nervously, straightening the neckline of her purple silk blouse. "Now, Edward, don't make a scene. Tanya, Carmen, and Eleazar came all the way here to make up for it. They are practically family, too." I noticed that she looked a little embarrassed.

"Does he even know she's here?" Edward asked through gritted teeth, ignoring her. I knew he was referring to me.

Esme's cheeks flooded with color. "Not yet," she admitted. "I thought you wanted it to be a surprise."

"Well this is just great," he grumbled, storming out of the kitchen.

Instinctively, I followed him. Just as I left, I heard Carmen speak to Esme.

"You deedn't tell Carlisle? Oh, Esme. You should to warn heem the next time before your son brings such trash into the house."

Edward and I left to eat at my dad's house without saying a word to anyone.

_Present _

My mind was drifting. I couldn't stay focused on anything but the giant glass window of the shop when it was so sunny out, and I really just wanted to lay in the grass instead of standing with my arms in a "T" as Alice and some weird Russian lady groped me.

"Suck it in, Bella," Alice ordered, thwacking my stomach with the pen in her hand. "Suck it in because I'm not letting you order a bigger size than a four."

"God Alice, you're being stupid," I said, dragging my eyes from the sunshine to meet hers.

Rosalie giggled from across the dress store, and I realized that she thought Alice was just as ridiculous as I did.

Alice's eyebrows pulled together. "Bella, just suck it the fuck in. I'm serious."

"Fine," I relented, pulling in a breath and holding it to placate her. The Russian lady tugged on the zipper along my back with a grunt, and I wanted to smack her. "Seriously, I'm not that fat. You're just not trying hard enough," I snapped at her, shooting her a look. Surprisingly, she shot me a look back. She pretty much did everything but stick her tongue out. _Someone_ was a little rude. And _I_ was in a bad mood.

Alice backed up to the wall opposite me, and clasped her hands together with pleasure. "Well, my God," she sighed. "You are just beautiful, B Swan."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, turning to face the mirror behind me, nudging the Russian lady out of the way when she wouldn't let go of the chiffon bow around my waist.

I didn't look half-bad.

I didn't look sexy, like I would have preferred, but there was definitely room for some hot little underthings beneath the lavender bridesmaid dress that was currently snug around my frame.

"Good choice, Al," I agreed, happy that I wasn't in a crinoline with layers of satin and bows and glitter like I'd feared. "I almost like it."

"Behave," she giggled, throwing her pen at me and missing by an inch. "You and Edward are going to look perfect."

I cleared my throat nervously, thinking about how weird Edward had been lately. What with the snapping while getting Alice's announcements together, the sudden anger about me and his dad, the fact that he turned down sex the other day because he was _hungry_ of all things...it was getting annoying.

"Yeah," I muttered. "Perfect."

Alice watched me for a second, one brow raised. She suspected something. She was always very perceptive despite her many annoying qualities, and she always knew something was going on when it was.

But, to my relief, she left me alone for the time being, and looked back down to the clipboard that pretty much lived in her hands these days.

"Alright, Rosie," she almost squealed, "your turn!"


End file.
